A Lesson from My Father

Have you ever realized that something that one of your parents used to drill you for has finally clicked, and you find yourself thinking the same way? I found myself explaining something the other day, and in my mind I was thinking 

Oh.My.Word. I am my father.

You see, as outgoing as I seem, I actually get really nervous around people that I don’t know--or at least, I used to. Let me tell you how college, multiple lessons from my parents, and my loving God has changed things. 

I’ve never been the best at first impressions. You may be thinking Oh Lydia, that’s just what you think. Well it wasn’t what I thought until people started telling me their first impressions of me. Then I realized that I wasn’t so good at first impressions. I then got even more nervous about talking to people for the first time. A little Lydia history for you: our family moved from West Virginia to Tennessee when I was twelve (going into 8th grade). I was used to small town, middle of nowhere Davis. Then BOOM! Chattanooga! Suburbs! Subdivisions! CULTURE SHOCK. I didn’t exactly fit in. I knew that I didn’t have that many friends starting out... later I was informed that pretty much everyone except, say, two people hated me. Yea. I was weird. Just going to admit that right now. Not saying that I’m not weird anymore... but anyways. I’m getting sidetracked. 

Having the majority of your peers hate you after meeting you would put a damper in pretty much any young person’s self esteem. So when it came to meeting new people...

No. I’ve done this before. I’m no good at it. 

So I usually do the most logical thing when confronted with new people. I let other people do the talking. Or, better yet, if a new person shows up in a group, I pretty much act as if they don’t exist. Well, that’s how it looks. In my mind it’s more like “Oh dear. New person. Well, I’ll just pretend that he/she isn’t new. Yea! I’ll just act like he/she’s been here all along! That’ll work! No awkward introductions! FOOLPROOF!” 

It’s not a foolproof. Not at all. It’s cowardly. And it also makes things even more awkward. 

My whole life I’ve had this fear of meeting new people. I feel like no one likes me, so I hide away by myself. Then I complain about no one wanting to be my friend. Poor me--no one wants to hang out with the girl isolating herself from the group because of insecurity! (uh. duh.) My dad didn’t really tolerate this. 

“Lydia, you can’t complain about no one wanting to be your friend when you’re hiding away by yourself. Stop throwing yourself a pity party and try and make friends. Making friends is a two-way thing. You have to put in some effort too. They’re not being mean. You’re being proud and selfish.” 

You can imagine how much I appreciated those lectures. There I was, lonely and insecure, and my dad was telling me that I wasn’t making friends because of my selfishness and pride. Now, before you go judging my dad or getting the impression that I’m bitter about these lectures, I’m not. I’m sooo thankful for these lectures now; I just wasn’t back then. 

Now, fast-forward to the end of my Senior year in high school and summer before my Freshman year of college. College. SO MANY NEW PEOPLE. Guys, I was terrified. Do you know how many first impressions that was going to involve? But my dad kept telling me how wonderful college was going to be and how many great friends I would make.

“Lydia, you’re about to start the years of your life that were the best years of my life! It’s going to be great. Just trust me. You can start fresh! Be who you want to be. Those people don’t know you. You can build brand new relationships with people that have no biases against you.” 

Yea, dad. But then they’ll meet me...

Something clicked right before I left for Clearwater. 

Lydia, you have to go to college, whether you like it or not. Might as well enjoy it.

So I made a decision that I was going to have fun. I was going to be excited for college. I was going to make friends. I was going to be myself. I had tried to be someone else in the past. You know what happens when you do that? Your true shelf starts shining through anyway, and then people get confused. Then you get confused as to which “you” you’re supposed to be displaying to which group of people. I was so done with that. I was going to be me; take it or leave it. 

So I talked to new people. I struck up conversations with people I had never met. I figured that they were probably feeling just about as awkward as I was. You know what happened when I gained the courage to say “hi”? It was less awkward.

Yea. 

It’s that simple.

It’s less awkward to talk to people than to sit there in silence. I know right!?!? EUREKA!

Proverbs 18:24 says:  “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly” (ESV). When I decided to be friendly, I made friends. Great friends! I’ve met some of the most awesome people! 

God gave me the confidence I needed; there’s no other explanation as to where that confidence came from. I was able to talk to people without feeling like throwing up (yes, I do get that nervous sometimes). 

So dad, you were right all along. I know you knew that, but it probably feels good hearing me admit it, doesn’t it? :) Thanks for all those lectures. Sorry I didn’t want to listen. I’m so glad that I finally did.