Thursday, October 22, 2015

Hard Times~Good Things



Psalm 84: 11, 12
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield:
the Lord bestows favour and honour.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you.”
Coach Carver, a beloved family friend and CCC professor, posted this verse and some of his personal commentary just the other day. I have recently purposed in my heart to always read his updates, because I have been noticing the side effects of not being surrounded by Bible classes, God-fearing professors, RD’s, RA’s, and DL’s every day of the week. Just like my muscles, which have not been worked as hard since school started as they were this summer, my spiritual life is experiencing atrophy, and I need more support than I am taking in. Of course, his words were exactly what I needed to hear on that particular day. In fact, I’ve been needing to hear them for quite some time, but maybe my heart was not ready to receive them until now. Coach emphasized, “No good thing does He withhold, that is, nothing He deems good for us at the present time.” To be 100% honest, I selfishly have been thinking that I need more “good” than I feel like I’ve been getting.
It made for a crazy start to nursing school,
but Micah's birth and quality time with BOTH
my sisters is something I would NEVER change.
This semester has been hard so far, and not for the reasons I thought it would be. They are easing us into the nursing program, so this is not the hardest I have ever been pushed academically (yet). In fact, the stark difference of school dynamic and only having classes three days a week have made it very hard to get settled into a study routine, and I feel like I have been doing the bare minimum. Not only that, but the first month or so of school was a whirlwind of nephew, sisters, and spontaneous weekend trips, so, at that time in particular, I was really just keeping my head above the water (more accurately, God’s grace and mercy were keeping my head above the water). Add onto this the transition from living on a campus—with constant social interaction and support—to living at home as the only child (since all the other ones have done those things called marriage and moving away). A wonderful woman—wife of one of Berean’s teachers/coaches—warned me of one of the main things I might go through with this transition: loneliness. You see, she did almost the exact same thing that I am doing. She lived in this area, went away to CCC for a couple years, then returned home to finish college locally. She mentioned how hard it was to go from living with 7 other girls to living at home with just her parents for company. Though she loved her parents, it’s just not the same, and loneliness is likely to creep in. I really did not expect this to be a huge deal for me; after all, I have some friends here, and I have made new ones. But she was right; living with parents and going to visit friends is not the same as living with friends. I have found myself jealous of the other CCC kids who, despite having been reluctantly jolted from their Florida community into new colleges, are, many of them, at a school with at least one other Clearwater student. They are dispersed, but not alone. I have felt very alone.
Speaking of thankful for new friends,
if it weren't for this girl, who knows
how I would have survived so far!
God brings people along right when
you need them! 
It makes it sound like I don’t appreciate my friends here, but I do. I am so very thankful for my friends, old and new; they have already helped me through so much. But Clearwater was a home to me, and those people were family. There was an intimacy there that was grown through time, laughter, and shared heartaches. And those friends were always around when I needed them—literally steps away. I am probably the world’s worst person at keeping up with people, so that also doesn’t help things. Nor does the fact that Matty’s schedule and mine are painfully incompatible 85% of the time—long distance stinks more than I thought it would. And I did not have glowing expectations to begin with.
So here I was, bemoaning my circumstances. I have yet to settle into school—academics being the one thing in my life that I usually have a sort of a handle on. There is no longer Easter Library at which to meet up with Stacie, Matty, Colton, and/or Harrison—to “study” (i.e. drink unreasonable amounts of coffee, laugh, and somehow learn along the way). There are no post-dinner walks with Matty to unload my stress and worries and day events. Em is no longer around to overdramatically share academic concerns. Stacie can’t grab me on our way out of DL meeting and force me (in her gentle and loving way) to fess up with what is bothering me. There’s no Colton to serenade us all with his guitar as we actually do get work done in Steele lobby. No Nienhuis to sit in my room as I do my devos then talk about life with me before I head to Cantorum. (And there’s no choir/Cantorum to satisfy my musical side.) There is no brunch on late Saturday mornings, surrounded by people who know me, get me, and love me…or endless fruit. There are no calls from Gerson when I oversleep (thankfully, I haven’t overslept yet), or Adam to give me a hard time when my brain isn’t functioning 100%. Or Yeater to give me a hard time….regardless of how my brain is functioning. Or a never-failing pun or moment of Mumford obsession from Jake. Life is feeling tedious, and school, unending. I felt like I was missing out on the good and getting an overwhelming dose of mediocre.
Look how funny he thinks he is, tickling me as if it's cute...
 Only 32 more days, and he'll be in Chatt! He has been the
strong optimist this time around, insisting that we will see
each other "soon," even when "soon" meant the longest stretch
of being apart that we've had to stick out since we started dating
Then I read that post, and I was reminded that God is giving me exactly what I need right now. He wants me to be here, doing what I’m doing, because it’s what is best for me at this time. It’s not robbery that I have to be two states away from Matty; it’s the optimal distance for us right now. It’s not drudgery that I have two years of nursing school; it’s a blessing—one that I know I don’t deserve. It’s not unfair that I’m away from my CCC family; we are all with whom we are supposed to be with, to grow us and teach us most efficiently. God taught me so much in my two years at CCC; I have to remember that those lessons were to prepare me for where I am now. And where I am now has lessons to prepare me for wherever I head next. And all those lessons combined will help me through the rest of life, where I will continue to learn and grow and be surprised. I must focus on Christ, my sun and shield, trust in Him, and walk uprightly. I must not be sluggish—academically or spiritually. He is not withholding any good from me, and I must not withhold any worship and praise from Him.

“I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
with my mouth I will make known
your faithfulness to all generations.”
Psalm 89:1


1 comment:

  1. I love you, Lydia. I miss you and so many others. The transition hasn't been easy for us (for many of us), but God has us right where He wants us and we must rest content in that. I know that for me it's easier to say certain things than to do them oftentimes. The struggle is not over. I think it will be a long one, but God has filled our minds and hearts with so many treasured memories and dear friends. We are still a family - a separated and scattered family, but a loving and caring family. We still carry one another to the throne of grace, and our faithful, sympathetic Intercessor understands because He experienced similar things in His earthly sojourn. God bless you, sweet friend. ~ Coach

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