tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31568842638286471192024-03-13T10:52:08.920-07:00Sweet RamblesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-2752666295613880342018-03-20T16:06:00.000-07:002018-03-23T13:09:58.540-07:00Yours Honestly, RN -- There are times... <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I work on a very special floor of the hospital—one that not every
hospital has. My floor specializes in Palliative care, which, in simplified and
incomplete terms, is like hospice care. However, we also take normal medical
patients on our floor—anything from the flu to GI bleeds to shingles, etc.
Every night is unique and holds its own set of special challenges. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Of all the questions I get as a palliative care nurse, the most common
is, by far, “How do you do this?” How do I take patient after patient that I
know is going to die soon—and it very well may be on my shift. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Well, there are a lot of things that factor into my answer. Palliative
care isn’t really something you’re prepared for in nursing school. All the
lectures, every test question, all the NCLEX prep is aimed at “how do you save
this patient.” Now I’m in a world where death isn’t the looming enemy to fight
(unless we’re talking about my medical patients)—it’s the next step in my
palliative patients’ journeys. One that I am to help them approach as
gracefully and painlessly as possible. Frankly, there’s little way of knowing
how you’ll handle palliative care (or if you can at all), until you’re there.
And no matter how much you love it or how good you are at it, there will always
be days where it shakes you—and that’s okay. Good, even (if you ask me). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There’s also the fact that, at the end of the day, that person is not my
spouse or parent or sibling. I say this running the risk of sounding
insensitive. I don’t mean to say that I don’t care about my patients—that I
don’t build relationships or do my best to practice empathy—but it will always
be different when it isn’t your family. By the time I meet these individuals,
they usually aren’t really themselves anymore. They’re extremely confused or groggy
or even unresponsive. I’m mostly building relationships with the families (and
that can be where it gets hard). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">All this to say, there <i>are</i> times…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are times that the routine of it all gets stripped away, and
you’re left standing face to face with the harsh reality of your own job. Many
times, it happens when you least expect it—when you’re least prepared. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">The other day, it’s when my pastor was describing the moment he found
out his brother had passed away. He recounted the story of when he came to the
hospital and the nurses told him to not enter the room quite yet—and why. I sat
there listening to him, my throat closing up, thinking, <i>that’s me</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I’ve made that early AM phone call. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I’ve run out of a room to greet a family who had just come to say its final goodbyes to a deceased loved one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I’ve even stood there, helpless, as a man took what I knew would be one
of his final breaths, while his daughter looked desperately at him, and then to
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i>, and then back to her father. There
were no words, no actions, to make that moment okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are times when a patient who seemed to have days, even weeks left
to live, passes quietly away, and you’re left there thinking, </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 11.0pt;">You weren’t supposed to die tonight</span></i><span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">. In
those instances, I’ve seen a coworker, one who is specialized in palliative and
hospice care, crumble after hanging up the phone with the patient’s devastated
daughter. I watched as she hunched over at the nurses station and gave into her
sobs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are times that you walk into a palliative patient’s room to find
it’s a patient you had when he/she was still medical. At that time, you were
doing all you could to get him/her better. You talked to him and joked with
him. Now he’s lying there unresponsive, and you’re reminded that, at one time,
every one of your palliative patients was vibrant as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are times when death has suddenly touched the lives of people that
you love. But you still suit up, go into work, and love on people who might not
make it through the night. And as you titrate that morphine drip and check
pulses and respirations, you can’t help but think, “Please don’t go tonight. I
don’t want to face death again tonight. Just make it through the night.” Which
may be a selfish thought—but it’s an honest one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Finally, there are those times—those times that put all the others to
shame. They’re the times when your compartmentalization skills chip away just
the slightest, and you think to yourself that the day may come when you’re on
the other side of the nurses’ station. You see your mother in that bed, or your
father. You imagine a glimpse of your patient in his/her prime, and you’re
reminded that he or she is just like you. Just like your family members. Just like
anyone else. The pain and toil of life has marred his/her physical body, but in
that bed lies years of memories. In that bed lies a once brand new mother,
humming to her new baby. A father clapping proudly as his son walks across a
stage. Reality comes crashing in, and it steals your breath on its way. There
is the key—the danger and pain of true empathy. It’s scary and it hurts and it
breaks you and grows you and changes you. I often fear that I don’t empathize with
my patients enough, but the balance is difficult to find. I treat them with the
same care that I would treat my family, but I can’t imagine my family member in
that bed. Because I have imagined it—and I could barely breathe. Which is why I always
tell these families, “it’s okay to not be okay.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Because even though we see death on a weekly basis. Even though we can
face it with a calm that many people cannot. Even though sometimes we take for
granted what we do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are times. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Sometimes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we’re</i> not okay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">And that’s okay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When families ask me how I do it, I don’t really know what to say, but I
do tell them this: I see it as a privilege to do what I do. Palliative has
changed the way I look at my world. My goal has always been (and still is) to
work in Labor and Delivery—to watch life enter this world (though there are
times in that setting as well, that the entrance will also be an exit). But
I am so thankful for the honour of being with those leaving this world. It’s
just as significant as birth. It can be ugly, yes, but, believe me, it can also be beautiful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 11.0pt;">“A good
name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of
birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of
feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to
heart.” Ecclesiastes 7:1-2<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-78592069120650241992017-10-03T16:56:00.000-07:002017-10-03T17:03:50.060-07:00Fear, Faith, and the Pasta Sauce Aisle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9zO7W7xUg_A/WdQjBYs5BAI/AAAAAAAAAZo/RlvefNU3S8Ecjp41h5eXiU-B0IVPQok4wCLcBGAs/s1600/orientation%2BRN.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="360" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9zO7W7xUg_A/WdQjBYs5BAI/AAAAAAAAAZo/RlvefNU3S8Ecjp41h5eXiU-B0IVPQok4wCLcBGAs/s400/orientation%2BRN.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Today is so full of blessings!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s what I exclaimed to Matty yesterday afternoon as we
sat at Starbucks after my loooong day of orientation. Just a couple hours
later, he was rubbing my back as I cried in the pasta sauce aisle at Walmart, because
I was overwhelmed and missed my mom. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And if all that isn’t an accurate representation of these
past couple months, I don’t know what is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Truly, for as much change as these past few months have
brought me, they’ve brought equal doses of mood swings—overwhelmed by blessings,
then fear, peace, fatigue, excitement, doubt... I’ve gone through more attitude
adjustments than I’d care to recount. And I’ve learned and grown. I’m still
terrified of what’s ahead—of being an RN and getting an apartment and getting married—but
God relentlessly assures me, through countless ways, that I am exactly where He
wants me. That I’ve been in daunting situations before, and He has always
proven Himself faithful. He may not provide in the way I expect or the way I
think I want Him to, but I can rejoice in the knowledge that His way is always,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i> best.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll be starting on a Palliative care floor—a far cry from
anything I ever thought I wanted; yet I find myself excited. I feel such
assurance that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I think most of
that assurance comes from the fact that the circumstances that got me this job
were so clearly orchestrated by God and not by me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On July 29<sup>th</sup>, right before I opened the envelope
that would tell me whether I got a job at Lakeland Regional or not, I prayed,
“Lord, whatever is in this envelope is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Your
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">best</b></i> for me. Help me to have
peace in that, even if Your best isn’t what I was wanting. Help me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know</i> that this is your will—because it
is.” I opened that letter to find out that I had not been hired on at LRH;
instead, I was put on a waiting list. And in that moment, amidst the pain and
confusion and humiliation, it was like God was urging me—“THIS IS my best for
you. You have to see that I am in control here—not you. Your will is not mine,
and I’m forcing you to have to trust me more. I will provide—My ways are higher
than yours.” And, to be honest, my response was, “I know God—but that doesn’t
mean that I like it.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, through God’s hand (and He used the body of Christ to
provide in a beautiful way), I got a job at LRH. On a Palliative and Acute Care
floor. I wanted women’s health or pediatrics or emergency department—and I got
Palliative care. But because God provided in a way that was so obviously
through His mighty power and not my own faulty will, I have such peace that
this floor is the best possible floor for me at this time of my life—that He
has some great things to teach me there. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet I’m still terrified. I still sit in my orientation
sessions thinking, “I take it back—I take the past two years back. Please let
me just go be a barista at a coffee shop or something. I can’t do this.” But I
also wanted to quit after my first semester of nursing school, but God
provided. And these past two years have shown me His provision in ways I had
never experienced before. So even though I’m so nervous I want to turn off my
4:45 AM alarm and pretend that I never decided to be a nurse, I’ll set that
alarm. I’ll get up tomorrow morning and put on my crisp black scrubs. I’ll clip
my name badge on and look with disbelief and overwhelming gratitude at the
words “Registered Nurse” under <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i>
name. I’ll go to my new floor and meet my manager. I will be scared. And I will
find, like I do every day, that God’s mercies are new every morning—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">great</i> is His faithfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-24491753515687019022017-02-07T08:11:00.002-08:002017-02-07T12:29:09.256-08:00Yours Honestly, NS: The biggest lie about nursing school<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve all heard it, and the majority of us have said it: “I
have no life—I’m in nursing school,” “Nursing school is my life,” “I have no
life outside of nursing school,” or some variation. We say it as a complaint,
but, deep down, we all kind of wish it were true. Because, even deeper down, we
all know it’s not. No matter how much we wish we could just take these couple
years and tackle this torment that is nursing school, life <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">insists</i> on continuing around us—and we are forced to keep up. <br />
Ben Rector (my favourite artist, but that’s irrelevant), has a song that states
(pardon the terminology), “Here’s the truth: life sucks sometimes. When it
hurts so bad that you can’t go on, life keeps moving on.” I wish that all I had
to deal with were nursing school. I wish that I didn’t have other aspects of
life to handle as well—but I do. I have relationships to maintain, I have work
to go to, I have dishes to put away. Sometimes we feel like all those are put
on hold, but they’re not. Every mother in the program that has to care for her
sick child when she could be studying for a test knows that. The one whose
house was destroyed by a natural disaster… the one whose family member died…
the one whose family member was rushed to the hospital… the one who got
engaged…the one who broke up…. They all know it. We all know it. Life won’t
stop, so neither can we. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t mean to be pessimistic—it’s not just the bad stuff
that butts its head in. It’s the good stuff, too. Sometimes, it means
forfeiting study time so you can go see one of your best friends get married.
Or to babysit your nephew. Or, for some, to have a child (those girls are
straight up HEROES). “If it’s good or bad, if it’s slow or fast: life keeps
moving on."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes, you have to say, “this test is important, but
this person is more important.” Because we know, in 20 years, we won’t care if
that test was a 70 or an 80. We’ll care that we have precious memories with the
people that we love. I’ve yet to regret a movie night or cup of coffee that
I’ve squeezed into my schedule. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, new nursing students or those who aspire to be ones—don’t
believe the lie. Yes, when school starts, you’ll be busy. You will have to
sacrifice a lot. You’ll feel, at times, that all you are is a nursing student
and that’s all you ever do. But it’s not. And life will make sure you find that
out. So be prepared for the bad; be excited for the good. Life will find it’s
way into all the mess of assignments and tests—and you can do it. You can cry
yourself to sleep one night and get up and do school the next (you may need a
power nap, but you’ll make it). Don’t feel guilty when you do something
other than school—you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need </i>that.
You are <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">human</b>. And you are more—much
more—than a nursing student. No one that has gone before you has been perfect—so
don’t feel like you need to be. Sometimes life hits you like a truck;
sometimes, life makes you feel like you're flying. “And it’s beautiful and
tragic, different verse but same old song. Sometimes the only thing you learn
is that life keeps moving on.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yours honestly, NS. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
(all lyrics from Ben Rector’s “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1NKlW0t-wY">Life Keeps Moving On</a>”)<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-65904056228966965882016-01-29T18:34:00.000-08:002016-01-29T18:46:34.112-08:00Yours Honestly, NS: Fragile Facades <div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I believe
one of the most challenging things about being in nursing school is how little anyone
can relate to you besides nurses and other nursing students. The moment nursing
school begins, you’re plunged headfirst into a world—an education system—extremely
different from any you have ever experienced before. Some of the differences
are subtle, others outstanding; they compound to mold you and change the way
you view yourself. Before, classes were gen-eds. The most set-apart were the
sciences, but you were still among various majors. Aside from college
acceptance and a passing grade in any pre-required class, there was nothing weeding
people out of your classes; the levels of academic fervour amongst the students
were significantly varied. However, when you look at the faces around you in
nursing school, you know that each and every one of those people <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">earned</i> his/her seat, just like you did.
They <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">had</i> to have gotten good grades
and a good TEAS score to make it into a program this competitive. You’re looking
at fellow “top of the class” students, so there’s nothing particularly special
about you anymore. Unless you’re completely consumed with your grades and very
forthright about your vigor for the class (there are those students), you’re
just another good student working hard to do well. Yes, a hierarchy develops;
not everyone is on the same plane. As I said, you still have your go-hard
grade-obsessors (you can refuse to believe me, but I am not amongst them), and
there are those who are barely scraping it out. But the middle class is vast
and is made up of those who were likely once viewed as “top-notch” students. Everyone
in the class<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> is</i> smart, though not all
in the same way. You never realize how much you were accustomed to being the
top of the class until you’re just another number in the middle. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then
there’s the fact that nursing abilities are not the same as academic abilities.
Yes, you need to be strong intellectually to be able to do nursing, but test
grades coming easily is no indication that nursing skills will. It does not
help that I did not grow up around any nurses, nor have I nor any of my family
members ever been hospitalized for any substantial amount of time (at least,
not during my lifetime). Because of this, I often feel as if I might as well be
illiterate. Nursing uses a language of acronyms, multi-syllable words, and
medication names, both generic and trade. Having taken Medical Terminology at
CCC (thank goodness!), I’m decent with terms that use the Latin word parts, but
these people speak letters and abbreviations and drug names. And they expect
you to be familiar with them, especially since a good chunk of the class is.
I’m in class with CNAs, EMTs, LPNs, etc. who hear this stuff every day. The
instructors insist that this does not give them an advantage, because they
probably picked up bad (lazy) habits that they’ll have to break while in
school. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But at least they can understand
what is being said at the front of the classroom.</i> And it seems like, if you’re
not already in healthcare, then you probably chose nursing because you sat at
your loved one’s side in the hospital for a year and absorbed everything via
osmosis. I’m about as clueless as new nursing students come, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m not quick to pick things up</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s hard,
knowing that so many have great expectations for me. I’ve always been this “A”
student that loved science and just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">got</i>
it; when I said I was going into nursing, first reactions were always, “Wow!
What a great field! <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">You’re going to be a
great nurse!</b>” It was encouraging. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But nursing school is not
encouraging, and it steals the encouragement out of others’ statements. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because, suddenly, I don’t just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">get</i> it. I panic through my drug calculations. I fumble through
tasks and end up squirting water over my entire sterile field. I go to school,
smile and nod, pretending that I understand the stories people tell me about
the drug or surgery or whatever so-and-so had. I go through lab, desperately
trying to catch on and complete my skill before moving on to the next one (I
often don’t succeed). I often go home feeling defeated, unworthy, and
embarrassed. When I go somewhere that’s not school, I am asked how school is
going: cue the conflict of deciding whether or not to sugar coat and bend the
truth to prevent discomfort for both parties or to just state the painful fact
that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">school is hard, and I’m discouraged</i>.
I usually settle somewhere in the middle, and people tell me that they’re sure
I’m doing great and am going to do so well. I seem ungrateful and rude, I know,
but you have to understand that those comments don’t help in the way they were
intended to. Because, all the while, I’m thinking, “how can you know that?” How
can they know how good or bad I am at placing a Foley catheter or assessing my
patient or doing vital signs? They can’t. It makes me feel lonely and misunderstood.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Growing up,
my mom (and other teachers) would always say to ask questions, because if
you’re wondering it, odds are another student is too. If you feel lost, you’re
probably not the only one. But being placed somewhere where you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel</i> like the minority, you get that
false idea that you’re the only one who’s lost. The only one who didn’t
understand. The only one who <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sobbed</b>
at clinical. So you keep it to yourself so people don’t think you’re incapable.
The problem is, lots of us get lost. Lots of us don’t understand. And I know
I’m not the only one who cried at clinical. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The girl I
ate lunch with one day—she cried at clinical as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That guy who works at a hospital
and is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good</i> at it—he struggled with
his shift assessment too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Goodness,
someone even threw up! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, I’ve had at least three category 5 meltdowns—two that
my mother is aware of. My mom told a nurse she knows about them, and the nurse’s
response was “Only two!?!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anyone who
has ever heard about nursing school is familiar with the infamous nursing
school meltdowns, but I don’t think they really understand what they entail.
They’re not your run-of-the-mill stressed out meltdowns: the ones when you’re
tired and cranky and just want a good long nap. They’re more than that—at
least, mine are. They involve the deepest levels of self-doubt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What if I fail? What
if I keep going, and my incompetency hurts someone? What if I ruin—or
end—someone’s life? What if I have wasted all these hours, all this money, on
this childish dream that I could accomplish something so great—so heroic? What
was I thinking? I’m going to be a disappointment. An embarrassment. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It takes a
nurse looking at me with sympathy and strength, telling me that “You’ll get it;
it comes with time,” or another student’s confession that she was terrified as
well, to remind me that, just because everyone looks put together, doesn’t mean
that they always are. And just because it doesn’t come as easily or quickly for
me as it does for some other people, doesn’t mean it’ll never come.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I didn’t write all this to pout. I
didn’t write all this to gain pity (please, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">anything</b> but pity!). And please know, to all who have given me
encouragement, I don’t want to make you feel bad about trying to encourage me.
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sincerely</i> understand and appreciate
your intent. Why <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i> I write this,
then? Part of me is asking myself that same question right now—like I usually
do when I write a blog post (you might be surprised at how many posts get
started and/or completed, yet sit unread in my documents). I think I wrote
this, because I know I would like to hear a fellow nursing student admit these
things. It’s comforting to know that you’re not the only one who doesn’t have
it all together. Who wonders if she made a mistake. Who has to summon every
inch of her will to bolster up a smidge of confidence. Who even chants, “I will
not drop out of nursing school. I will not drop out of nursing school,” on her
way in, some days. Who is mastering the art of carrying on a conversation in
which she doesn’t understand 10% of what the other person is saying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Maybe I am the only one who feels
like this. If so, I guess this will be an embarrassing post. But what if I’m
not? What if there’s another aspiring nurse out there that has hit his low
point and just needs to know that he is not alone? Who knows, deep in his gut,
that he will get there; he just needs someone who actually understands how he
feels to be honest about it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yes… I guess that’s why I’m
writing this. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
And if nursing school has taught me
anything, it’s that we all go through it differently. No one’s experiences are
the same as another’s. And that’s okay.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yours honestly, <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-51640152740335098942015-10-31T14:28:00.005-07:002015-10-31T14:32:26.116-07:00An Overdue Thank You Note to Teachers <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Sometimes, I wonder what teachers
are thinking when they write little encouraging notes on students’ assignments.
And what I mean by that is, I wonder if they expect them to make any impact. So
many teachers go into the profession hoping to change and shape students’
lives—to lead them to success and teach them to thrive. But, more often than
not, they see an entire class fail a test (that the previous class did fine on),
a student cheating, a generation whose writing abilities are seemingly growing
extinct, or another parent complaining about her child’s grades. Meanwhile,
there are those few students that never miss class, always come prepared,
obviously study, and consistently do a good job. The teacher puts a small
comment on the (probably too long) essay and moves on. The student continues
doing what he/she always does. Nothing is said (though the kid who pulled his
answer out of thin air has <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">plenty</i> to
say about his grade).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Several teachers throughout my
schooling career have been faithful commenters. The comments are usually small.
Took five seconds of the teacher’s time, max. But they have had lasting
influence on me, not that those teachers have ever known that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
She probably never realized that
the smiley faces she put on the top of my paper when I did well made my entire
day, because I was struggling with the adjustment from homeschooling to “normal
school,” I felt behind when it came to math, and her class was the hardest
class I had (and she was one of the teachers I admired the most). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There is no way he could have known
that it took me three hours to complete that assignment, because I cannot be
anything but nauseatingly thorough, even if I try. He could not have known that
it was actually done from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., because I had dinner, church, and
dorm devotions before I could ever even touch my pile of homework, and, halfway
through, I had to take a few minutes to sob, because I was sleep deprived and homesick.
All he knew was that I did my best, and he wrote “Your usual excellent work,”
not knowing that doing assignments with a headache, minimal sleep, and an
accompanying cry-fest was how I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">usually</i>
accomplished that work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When she wrote “an excellent
critique,” she could not have known I downloaded the assignment to Dropbox,
thinking “I know my instructor will hate this. I have never done APA, and I had
to cut out the majority of what I had to say to make it as short as she wanted.
This is terrible work, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this </i>will
be the first impression she has of my writing.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I doubt my teachers know how comments like “Wow!”
“Excellent!” and “Great work!” have motivated my academic career. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Because, a lot of the time, it is
the “A” students that get the least recognition. We work hard, and nobody
expects anything else. “A” is so normal, not many think to congratulate you on
it. The attention must be directed to the student who might not pass or the one
who does not make use of intrinsic motivation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Student gets an “A.” You do not
congratulate him. He still gets another “A.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Student gets an “A.” You do
congratulate him. He still gets another “A.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It is hard to see your actions
making any difference, but believe me, they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i>.
It was those smiley faces that let me know you were proud of me, and that I was
going to be okay. It was the little comments on my discussion forums that
motivated me to keep doing my best, even though I knew that people who worked
half as long as I did got the same exact grade. I wanted you to know that I
would keep working at the top of my game, because you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">noticed</i>. It was that comment on my first article critique that has
kept me from giving up hope on all future writing assignments. It is the little
“wow’s” and “excellent’s” on my homework assignments that have made your other
homework assignments from being so tedious, because I know you notice and
appreciate thorough work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So, what are you thinking when you
write those comments? That they will be overlooked? Fleetingly appreciated,
then forgotten? That maybe they are not worth your time? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They are. Please, do not stop. You
never know when your “A” student is on the brink of giving up hope—and his/her
GPA. And you never know which comment may be the little tug that pulls the kid
back and gives him/her the motivation to keep going. Because we respect you. We
appreciate<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We thank you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-69653305345511207022015-10-22T16:57:00.004-07:002015-10-22T21:01:44.504-07:00Hard Times~Good Things <br />
<br />
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</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Psalm 84: 11, 12<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“For the Lord God is a sun and shield: <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the Lord bestows favour and honour. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No good thing does he withhold<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">from those who walk uprightly. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">O Lord of hosts, <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">blessed is the one who trusts in you.” </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Coach Carver, a beloved family
friend and CCC professor, posted this verse and some of his personal commentary
just the other day. I have recently purposed in my heart to always read his
updates, because I have been noticing the side effects of not being surrounded
by Bible classes, God-fearing professors, RD’s, RA’s, and DL’s every day of the
week. Just like my muscles, which have not been worked as hard since school
started as they were this summer, my spiritual life is experiencing atrophy,
and I need more support than I am taking in. Of course, his words were exactly
what I needed to hear on that particular day. In fact, I’ve been needing to
hear them for quite some time, but maybe my heart was not ready to receive them
until now. Coach emphasized, “No good thing does He withhold, that is, nothing
He deems good for us at the present time.” To be 100% honest, I selfishly have
been thinking that I need more “good” than I feel like I’ve been getting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ts_xsnpAoT4/Vil0q63LEuI/AAAAAAAAASM/k2HxFGckw0Q/s1600/IMG_1191.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ts_xsnpAoT4/Vil0q63LEuI/AAAAAAAAASM/k2HxFGckw0Q/s320/IMG_1191.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It made for a crazy start to nursing school,<br />
but Micah's birth and quality time with BOTH<br />
my sisters is something I would NEVER change.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This semester has been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hard</i> so far, and not for the reasons I
thought it would be. They are easing us into the nursing program, so this is
not the hardest I have ever been pushed academically (yet). In fact, the stark
difference of school dynamic and only having classes three days a week have
made it very hard to get settled into a study routine, and I feel like I have
been doing the bare minimum. Not only that, but the first month or so of school
was a whirlwind of nephew, sisters, and spontaneous weekend trips, so, at that
time in particular, I was really just keeping my head above the water (more accurately,
God’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">grace</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mercy</i> were keeping my head above the water). Add onto this the
transition from living on a campus—with constant social interaction and support—to
living at home as the only child (since all the other ones have done those
things called marriage and moving away). A wonderful woman—wife of one of
Berean’s teachers/coaches—warned me of one of the main things I might go
through with this transition: loneliness. You see, she did almost the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exact</i> same thing that I am doing. She
lived in this area, went away to CCC for a couple years, then returned home to
finish college locally. She mentioned how hard it was to go from living with 7
other girls to living at home with just her parents for company. Though she
loved her parents, it’s just not the same, and loneliness is likely to creep
in. I really did not expect this to be a huge deal for me; after all, I have
some friends here, and I have made new ones. But she was right; living with
parents and going to visit friends is not the same as living with friends. I
have found myself jealous of the other CCC kids who, despite having been
reluctantly jolted from their Florida community into new colleges, are, many of
them, at a school with at least one other Clearwater student. They are
dispersed, but not alone. I have felt very alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bucAmlarLrk/Vil0qtYHNqI/AAAAAAAAASU/77ZGqpv87kw/s1600/IMG_0987.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bucAmlarLrk/Vil0qtYHNqI/AAAAAAAAASU/77ZGqpv87kw/s200/IMG_0987.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Speaking of thankful for new friends,<br />
if it weren't for this girl, who knows<br />
how I would have survived so far!<br />
God brings people along right when<br />
you need them! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It makes it sound like I don’t
appreciate my friends here, but I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>do</u></b>.
I am so very thankful for my friends, old and new; they have already helped me
through so much. But Clearwater was a home to me, and those people were family.
There was an intimacy there that was grown through time, laughter, and shared
heartaches. And those friends were always around when I needed them—literally
steps away. I am probably the world’s worst person at keeping up with people,
so that also doesn’t help things. Nor does the fact that Matty’s schedule and
mine are painfully incompatible 85% of the time—long distance stinks more than
I thought it would. And I did <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> have glowing expectations to begin with.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So here I was, bemoaning my
circumstances. I have yet to settle into school—academics being the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i> thing in my life that I usually have
a sort of a handle on. There is no longer Easter Library at which to meet up
with Stacie, Matty, Colton, and/or Harrison—to “study” (i.e. drink unreasonable
amounts of coffee, laugh, and somehow learn along the way). There are no
post-dinner walks with Matty to unload my stress and worries and day events. Em
is no longer around to overdramatically share academic concerns. Stacie can’t
grab me on our way out of DL meeting and force me (in her gentle and loving
way) to fess up with what is bothering me. There’s no Colton to serenade us all
with his guitar as we actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do </i>get
work done in Steele lobby. No Nienhuis to sit in my room as I do my devos then
talk about life with me before I head to Cantorum. (And there’s no
choir/Cantorum to satisfy my musical side.) There is no brunch on late Saturday
mornings, surrounded by people who know me, get me, and love me…or endless
fruit. There are no calls from Gerson when I oversleep (thankfully, I haven’t
overslept yet), or Adam to give me a hard time when my brain isn’t functioning
100%. Or Yeater to give me a hard time….regardless of how my brain is functioning.
Or a never-failing pun or moment of Mumford obsession from Jake. Life is
feeling tedious, and school, unending. I felt like I was missing out on the
good and getting an overwhelming dose of mediocre.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fEZ5wq8u6S4/Vil2pVSoAoI/AAAAAAAAASk/Wldi27xbAWU/s1600/IMG_1061.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fEZ5wq8u6S4/Vil2pVSoAoI/AAAAAAAAASk/Wldi27xbAWU/s320/IMG_1061.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look how funny he thinks he is, tickling me as if it's cute...<br />
Only 32 more days, and he'll be in Chatt! He has been the<br />
strong optimist this time around, insisting that we will see<br />
each other "soon," even when "soon" meant the longest stretch<br />
of being apart that we've had to stick out since we started dating</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then I read that post, and I was
reminded that God is giving me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exactly </i>what
I need right now. He wants me to be here, doing what I’m doing, because it’s
what is best for me at this time. It’s not robbery that I have to be two states
away from Matty; it’s the optimal distance for us right now. It’s not drudgery
that I have two years of nursing school; it’s a blessing—one that I know I
don’t deserve. It’s not unfair that I’m away from my CCC family; we are all
with whom we are supposed to be with, to grow us and teach us most efficiently.
God taught me so much in my two years at CCC; I have to remember that those
lessons were to prepare me for where I am now. And where I am now has lessons
to prepare me for wherever I head next. And all those lessons combined will
help me through the rest of life, where I will continue to learn and grow and
be surprised. I must focus on Christ, my sun and shield, trust in Him, and walk
uprightly. I must not be sluggish—academically or spiritually. He is not
withholding any good from me, and I must not withhold any worship and praise
from Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />“I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord,
forever;<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with my mouth I will make known <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your faithfulness to all generations.” <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Psalm 89:1 <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4VNHUMcvhtU/Vil0rYijeqI/AAAAAAAAASQ/fYPlO3QYj4w/s1600/IMG_1297.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4VNHUMcvhtU/Vil0rYijeqI/AAAAAAAAASQ/fYPlO3QYj4w/s400/IMG_1297.JPG" width="400" /></a></i></div>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-27220200745739417292015-06-06T15:41:00.001-07:002015-06-06T18:57:05.677-07:00Happy Drugs, Hills, and Hospitality<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WMnvRsvY8IM/VXN2Fy_hLII/AAAAAAAAAQ8/3lr0oNZqPs0/s1600/11429895_10206757089671680_94011878_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WMnvRsvY8IM/VXN2Fy_hLII/AAAAAAAAAQ8/3lr0oNZqPs0/s640/11429895_10206757089671680_94011878_n.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Favourite spots from my running route</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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“Say ‘yes’ to drugs!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The whole Microbiology class chuckled as our professor made this
challenge with great enthusiasm. As I laughed, a little extra glee trickled in,
mixed with pride. Because recently, I’ve been saying ‘yes’ to drugs—and I’m
loving it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now. to you who are growing concerned, thinking, “She’s only
been in a secular college for a few weeks and she’s already gone off the deep
end!” you can relax. The “drugs” we were discussing were hormones—endorphins
being released during and after vigorous exercise. My professor, Dr. Wollert,
was asking if any of us had ever been addicted to exercise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Anyone? Really? This isn’t a bad thing… seriously? None of
you. I have a class of couch potatoes, I see. Come on, it’s great! You get done
and suddenly all these endorphins are kicking in and you’re just like, ‘ah yea!
This is great! I’m like high right now!’ This is a good thing—say ‘yes’ to
drugs!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been running more and more over the past year. I
started out small, only being able to do about a mile. Then I started
consistently running 1.5 miles. Then I bumped it up to 3.1 sometime over my
last semester at school. However, running a 5k in Florida is NOT the same thing
as running a 5k in Tennessee. Where I live here, in TN, it’s all hills. My
neighbourhood is like a rolling tide, with barely a flat space to be seen. Besides,
down to the cul-de-sac and back is only about a mile. If I wanted to do 3.1, I’d
have to do three repetitive runs of nothing but excruciating hills. No thank
you. One day I tried a different route, bravely leaving my neighbourhood, and
found that it’s about 1.5 miles down to a local airfield (one of the little
ones for little, privately owned planes). The route has hills, but they are
relatively scattered, gradual, and not nearly as vicious. The only bad ones are
the one leaving my neighbourhood at the beginning of the run, and the one
leading back up to that one when I am coming back. I quickly worked my way up
to being able to run the whole thing (all-in-all it’s about 3.1-3.2), and now
I’m working on shaving seconds off my time. My times are still longer than they
were in FL, but that doesn’t bother me at all, because I’m working <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">way </i>harder than I was there (FL is
flatter than a pancake, and I was right at sea level. Running was a breeze).
And the more I run, the more I love it and the more I want to do it. Not
necessarily always <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">during</i> the
run—sometimes I just want to be DONE. But right after I finish, and as my
breathing staggers its way back to normalcy, I begin to feel stronger, greater.
The endorphins that sustained me as I finished are now running rampage through
my resting body, making me feel glorious. The sense of accomplishment. The
hormones. It’s wonderful. No matter how good or bad my time is, as long as I
don’t quit, I feel like a superhero when I’m done. And I want to feel that
again. When I’m feeling lazy the next day or just don’t feel like taking the
time out to run, I remember that feeling. I want it. So I run. I wouldn’t say
I’m addicted, but I definitely understand the feeling. The desire to reach that
high again. And I just get the little one that comes with a 5K—I can’t imagine
how euphoric those marathon runners’ highs feel like!<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s also starting to be one of my coping strategies when
I’m stressed or upset. Now, I know that I can’t depend on running to make
myself happy—I need to find my joy and peace in Christ, because, like, any
drug, the feeling from running fades, and I’m still left with my problems to
deal with. However, going running is progress for me. I hit a bit of an
emotional low this past Spring semester, and I had a lot of free time on my
hands. Slowly, I started to realize that I was just trying to sleep away my
problems. If something was frustrating or upsetting, I would go straight to bed
and nap. It got to the point where, if I was upset or provoked in the
slightest, my body would start to shut down and get really tired all of the
sudden—even if I was fully rested and completely functional minutes before. It
was <i>not</i> the best coping strategy. So
now, instead of sleeping, I’ve started wanting to run instead. I’m not one of
those people who can think while they run. Or pray. I don’t get that. Like yea,
I think <i>a lot</i> while I’m running, but
I have almost no reign over what thoughts go through my head. They’re scattered
and disjointed, and they flip over and over without me even realizing it.
Basically, when my body goes for a run, so does my brain. I try the whole
praying thing or planning or sorting out my feelings—yea, no. It doesn’t really
work. I can do it for about ten seconds, but soon I just find myself repeating,<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“And Lord, please be with (insert name) and help them. Uh.
Life. And. Be with (insert same name), because. Uh. please be with (same
name).”</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XRjLxSmLhPo/VXN2FVkDG0I/AAAAAAAAAQ4/p4SurRzrO64/s1600/11414607_10206757088711656_619049895_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XRjLxSmLhPo/VXN2FVkDG0I/AAAAAAAAAQ4/p4SurRzrO64/s320/11414607_10206757088711656_619049895_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see. It really gets nowhere. I applaud and envy all you
who can have special prayer times during your workouts. Really, I do. I just
can’t focus my mind like that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So running is basically 30 minutes of going. Pushing.
Thinking random thoughts: mostly escape plans of “what would happen if someone
tried to abduct me right here?” or “I really like this field. It’s pretty. It
distracts me from the fact that I’m running uphill right now… no. don’t think
about the uphill. Pretty field. Think pretty field.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s just about as deep as my mid-run mind gets. Actually,
I get a lot of first paragraphs of potential blog posts mentally written during
some downhills. Obviously, they don’t often develop. Nor do I often remember
them afterwards. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, running has given me more than happy drugs and a
sense of accomplishment. It has let me see goodness in random people. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Running as a young lady can be a little intimidating. I
don’t usually feel particularly intimidated, but I’m always afraid someone is
going to tell me I can’t anymore because it’s “not safe” or something. I’m not
stupid or naïve, so I do try to practice good runners’ safety. And, as
previously mentioned, probably at least 40% of my rambling runner thoughts are
epic escape plans for if I were to be attacked at any given moment (another 5%
goes to the thoughts of “Good glory breathing is rough right now—would I even
be able to scream?” A question that was answered the day that, despite the fact
that I was taxed from just running a steep hill, I unintentionally screamed
when a dog behind a fence surprised me. It was out before I realized what I was
doing, almost making me doubt whether or not I had actually screamed. My
strained vocal cords, however, assured me that I had). Yea, I am extremely wary
of the cars that pass me. And people (though I rarely ever pass people aside
from the ones mowing their lawns). However, there have been some occurrences
that, though I was in no danger, the caution that other people had for my
safety reminded me that, while there is danger of running alone (there’s
potential danger in basically everything we do, honestly), and there are
creepers out there, there are also nice people out there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first experience was right in front of my house at the
very end of my run. The final stretch for me is going down a big hill at the
entrance of my neighbourhood, sprinting the flat space in front of my house,
then turning up into my driveway. On my descent, this certain day, our
neighbour’s dog, Mo, decided to come out and remind me of her existence. I got
to the place where I would normally sprint, but Mo was RIGHT there. RIGHT next
to me. Barking and nudging up to me. She likes to run after people to begin
with (never hurting, just annoying), <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i>
she just had a litter of puppies. So now she thinks she needs to remind us all
that this is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">her</i> territory. Like I
said, she never hurts anyone. And her owners were out in their lawn, so I
didn’t really think any harm was going to come to me, but she messed up my
final sprint. And, the whole last stretch, I was pushing her away, saying “no, Mo!
No! Go home!” I got back to my house, the neighbours came and got Mo, and I
began climbing the stairs up to my front door. As I did so, I saw a car drive
slowly down the road with its windows rolled down. It was the same car that had
passed me to leave the subdivision when Mo was pestering me. The man in the
drivers seat leaned his head out and said, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m sorry I did not stop when that dog was bothering you.
Are you okay? I should have stopped.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I explained that I was fine and she didn’t hurt me. (If
you’re questioning me talking to strangers, he and I were actually quite far
apart, and he was making no move to exit his vehicle—he genuinely was checking
on my safety). After expressing his disapproval of the dog’s owners and
receiving further confirmation on my safety, he left. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He had apologized. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Apologized.
</b>Because he hadn’t stopped when he first saw the dog getting all up in my
space. He had obviously felt so guilty that he had turned around at the top of
the hill and drove back, unable to go on when there was a potential dog attack
occurring behind him—one that he could have prevented. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dfArl_HGVBE/VXN2EoWmzbI/AAAAAAAAARE/NpOYN0FP1nE/s1600/10523934_10206757088591653_317941068_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dfArl_HGVBE/VXN2EoWmzbI/AAAAAAAAARE/NpOYN0FP1nE/s320/10523934_10206757088591653_317941068_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next one really has nothing to do with safety—it was
just one of those little blessings, being reminded of the beauty and simplicity
of childhood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It had been a rough run, and I did <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> feel like braving my last hill. I had opted to run in the
evening, thinking it would be a good time, and letting me get things done
throughout the day. Eh—nope. The roads were busy with people getting back from
work. So not only was I being stopped at intersections, I also had to drink in
these people’s exhaust trails, because who doesn’t want contaminated air when
they’re struggling to breathe to begin with? I thought it would be cooler,
running at 6 p.m. I did not account for the fact that, though the sun was lower
in the sky, it 1) was still beating on me, just from a different angle, and 2)
had been baking the ground all day, so now the heat was coming from above and
below. And lots of people were home, so they were mowing their lawns! Because
there’s nothing like a lung full of allergens as you run. Okay, so I was being
pretty grouchy. And I wanted to just walk my last hill. But I knew that I would
hate myself for it after. But I still wanted to do it. I was debating, still
running, when I passed this house. In the lawn stood these two little boys. One
was probably 6 or so, the other was probably more around 3. He seemed very
young, but apparently old enough to be potty trained, because he was wearing
nothing but some little-boy unders. As I passed, they both smiled and waved,
and one of them, in his high, innocent voice, chipperly called out, “HI!” I
responded with a smile, a wave, and new determination to finish that run. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The most recent occurrence was today. I am usually much too
proud to walk during a run. It almost never happens. I pray (literally) for loss
of consciousness before I am willing to quit. However, today there were
different things interfering with my run, and, honestly, I just wanted more
peace. I wanted a quite walk. I just, didn’t feel like running. It wasn’t that
I was too tired. I just wanted to walk. So, about ¼ way in to the second half
(I had already turned around at the skypark and was heading back home), I
passed this adorable little house. It’s one of my favourite ones to pass. It’s
sweet and quaint—with a not so sweet and quaint “NO TRESSPASSING” sign in the
front lawn. And there are always people about, it seems. I believe grandparents
live there, and their kids and grandkids are often visiting. And if there
aren’t people arriving or leaving as I pass, I usually see the old man in his
screened-in front porch. So they do often see me, as well. I don’t know if
they’ve grown used to seeing me run past twice in a row, or if it was the sight
of a young lady who was obviously just running but now is walking down the road
that triggered their concern. I had just been distracted by some little
creatures in the gutter, so I had slightly mis-stepped and had to regain my
proper footing. Maybe they saw that and thought I was struggling. I don’t know.
But, as I passed the house, a man and his (very) young son were walking out of
the screened-in porch. They stood there in the doorway (quite a distance from
the road where I was), saw me, and called out, “You alright?” I smiled, assured
him I was, and we all three went on our merry little ways. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These little things were so simple. They weren’t
superfluous. They didn’t try to come to me, but respecting the universal
knowledge that someone approaching you as you run by yourself is going to be
taken as a threat, they called out to make sure I was fine. Didn’t pursue.
Didn’t press me when I assured them of my safety. They just checked and went on
their way. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps you’re more pessimistic than I, and you still see
these as threatening. You may be even questioning whether or not letting me go
out on my own is such a good idea after all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or maybe you’re fine, but you see nothing super special
about these small interactions. “So what?” you might think. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But to me, they meant a lot. They weren’t responsible for
me, but still took the responsibility of checking on my safety. They didn’t
pursue me or push me. There was nothing threatening in any of these
interactions. They just showed me that, were I in danger, they would have
helped. Otherwise, they’ll leave me be. People like that aren’t always around.
And I don’t put my trust in the presence of strangers. But being reminded that
there are people out there who, not only won’t bother me, but would help me if
I were to need it—that put a smile to my face. Because what if Mo had attacked,
and his owners weren’t around to notice? That man would have been there to save
me. What if I had passed out on the side of the road in front of that family’s
house? Someone would have been there to pull me off the street. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We expect everyone to be an enemy—sometimes that keeps us
safe. Because there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> people who
will take advantage of weakness. Even ones that will feign hospitality so that
they can get your guard down and get at you. But it’s good to be reminded that
not everyone is terrible. There are people, random people, who not only aren’t
going to hurt you, but are willing to help you if they needed to. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
And when you mix happy hormones with hospitality, you get
one encouraged runner. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aoUtBKsGD74/VXN2FIGw7dI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/UYyTGuww5Z0/s1600/11289550_10206757088031639_929479622_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aoUtBKsGD74/VXN2FIGw7dI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/UYyTGuww5Z0/s400/11289550_10206757088031639_929479622_n.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's important to remember that running is an excellent excuse<br />
to wear an absurd amount of neon:) </td></tr>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-2817670080340877342015-05-15T09:49:00.000-07:002015-05-16T08:33:49.159-07:00How Do I Know? <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’ve been
so excited about the prospect of nursing school. Yes, I know it will be hard. I
know I’ll cry—a lot. I know it will take all I’ve got. But I feel like I’m
finally going somewhere. Come fall, I’ll finally be able to say that I’m a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nursing student</i>. That’s waaaay different
than being a “nursing major.” All “nursing major” means is that I’m taking all
my prerequisites so I can become a nursing student. I knew the nerves would
come full force at some point, but they just hadn’t hit me—until orientation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I had
nursing school orientation just this past week. Yes, nursing school itself doesn’t
start until the fall, and I have two summer classes to get through before then,
but orientation was this week since there are about five <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zillion</i> things one has to do before nursing school. Buy uniforms.
Background check. Drug screen. Physical. Immunizations out the wazoo. Etc, etc.
So orientation is to help us know what we’re doingm and start to prepare our
poor, innocent minds for the monsoon of challenge that is awaiting us all. And,
because I’m a big girl now, I went to orientation by myself. Moma wasn’t there
to drop me off or show me to the room. I drove there (which, of course has to
involve some form of getting turned around a couple times, because, hey! It’s
me!). I found the room (with the help of another girl and her mom, because they
changed the room on us). I walked in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It was huge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I know Chatt State is NOT
Clearwater. I knew <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything </i>would
be bigger. But I guess I’m just too used to small classrooms. Not <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lecture
halls</i></b>. Long tables with swivel chairs, layered and layered, leading to
the podium and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">two</b> projectors in the
front. And there was a stage, also, I think. I don’t trust my memory. I swear,
everything inside of me was shaking. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
don’t belong here. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here…</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Good
gracious, Lydia. Pull yourself together. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
True to myself, I walked down,
down, down the isle to the second or third table from the front and sat at the
seat closest to the aisle. Looking around, I noticed that everyone else had
matching papers (hard to miss, seeing as one of them was fluorescent orange). I
leaned over to the woman next to me, separated by an empty chair between us, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Excuse me. Where did you get those
papers?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“There were on the first table as
you walked in.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Right. Thanks.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So back up, up, up I walked to the
entrance, finding the three stacks of paper on the far left of the first table
(to my credit, from the angle that you walk in at, they are partially hidden by
the seat in front of them). I take the papers. Then down, down, down. I tried
to not think about what all the people who were starting at me were thinking
about. I wanted to vomit. Or cry. Maybe both. Most of all, I just wanted to
run. But I did what I have found to be the most effective thing to do in such
circumstances. I steeled myself. Shoulders back. Head high. Look like you know
what you’re doing. Feign confidence, and it will often come to you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The rest of the meeting was like a
winding West Virginia road. My emotions were going one way and then another,
all the while feeling like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, with only a
small guard rail keeping me in line. Fear to excitement. Doubt to positive
anticipation. Wanting to cry then laughing out loud. Praise the Lord for the
head of the nursing program—that woman was wonderful. As nervous as I was, she
made me feel quite at home with hear easy manner and great sense of humour. The
farther I went, the easier things got, until, finally, it was time to go. Those
three hours, thankfully, went much quicker than I anticipated (hopefully my
three hour class sessions this summer will as well). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
However, during those low emotional
points in the session, I began doubting myself more than I have in a very long
time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
can’t do this. I can’t. I’m not cut out for nursing school. What am I doing
here? Why am I here? Why did I decide to do this again? I’m never going to make
it. I don’t even want to try. I’m trapped. There’s no going back.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Praise God for the ways He works in
our lives. Sometimes He makes things bumpy along the way to comfort us in the
future. You see, the only reason I could combat those thoughts is because I
knew—I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">KNEW</b>—that they were false.
Because I know I’m headed where God wants me. Why? Because there’s no way on
this green earth that I would have even made it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i> far if it were not for God’s grace. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I began to think of the scene from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Enchanted</i> when Giselle and Robert are
walking through the park discussing Robert’s relationship. In proper Disney
style, Giselle breaks out into song, asking Robert, “how does she know you love
her?” Now, disregarding the fact that perhaps having yellow flowers sent when
the sky is grey is not a 100% verification of love, a point <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is </i>made: often, we know someone loves us,
or we are reminded that they do, because we can see it in their actions. Now,
what does this have to do with me and nursing school? Well, you see, during my
last few weeks of classes at CCC, my RA asked me how I was feeling about
leaving and going to nursing school. My response was this: “I’ve never been so sure
that I’m where God wants me and going where He wants me than I am right now.”
How do I know? Because of the ways—incredibly numerous ways—that He has
provided for me to get here. Honestly, the road to nursing school has been kind
of crazy, and my plans have been shifted, shaken, and turned completely upside
down more times that I can recall. Right when I would think we had everything
sorted out, another curve ball was thrown. And I’m grateful. I’ve learned so
much through this experience. Mostly, it is this: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverb 16:9). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yes, it’s good to plan. We
shouldn’t walk through life willy-nilly, never preparing, never being a wise
steward of what we have been given. But as my RD cautioned the DL’s and RA’s in
regards to our plans for the summer, “Hold on to them loosely. Be open to the
changes God may wish to make to them.” My mom and I have had to plan and
prepare a lot for my upcoming nursing education (mostly my mom has done the
planning and preparing, I will admit). But sometimes—most of the time—something
has come along to alter our plans, or even completely erase them at times.
Through it all, God has taught me to trust Him, because every time something
“bad” happened, He showed me His power and provision in ways I would not have
gotten to see otherwise. Getting into Chatt State in-and-of-itself was a huge
indicator that it was His will for me to go there, because that program is
competitive. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
And that’s how I know. Because,
while Moma and I have been planning our ways, God has very clearly been
establishing our steps. I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for His
provision. Every plan that went awry, every unmet expectation, every phone call
to the college that resulted in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">another</i>
hoop to jump through—God’s hand was very clearly directing us through each one
and providing us an incredible way through. I can see through His works, His
provisions for me, that Chatt State is my next step. And there was my comfort
during that intimidating orientation. I don’t know how I would have made it
through—how I would have even made it to my seat—if I did not have the
assurance in my heart that God has provided the way into nursing school, so He
will provide the way through it. I know that it is more than likely that I will
have to face unexpected barriers along the way. Things may not—very likely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will </i>not—go the way I want them to all
the time. But I’m okay with that. Because, so far, when things don’t go <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my </i>way, it’s because they’re going <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God’s</i> way, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">His </i>ways are so much greater than mine (Isaiah 55:9). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It would be a lie to tell you that I’m
not scared of nursing school. Facing what I know will probably be one of the
most academically challenging seasons of my life is insanely intimidating. Not
to mention I get to go through the lovely experience of being the newbie again.
Which means I have to work on making new friends. Adjusting to a new
environment. Learning how to balance this new academic workload with other
things like friends, family, work, and leisure. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But every day I try to cast all my
cares and anxieties on God, because I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know</i>,
I have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">seen</i>, that He cares for me (I
Peter 5:7). <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-28948728691002704332015-03-02T17:28:00.000-08:002015-03-02T17:28:13.771-08:00When Classy Doesn't Cut It<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I still remember agonizing over what could be the core of that rubber band ball.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was a kitchen worker (T.E.A.M. member—now “Secret Service Member”) at camp. Ninth grade. And Hector was still the T.E.A.M. leader. In one of our Bible studies, he held up his famous rubber band ball. I don’t even remember how heavy it was. It was huge. Band-upon-band, wrapped around a small core. A core that only Hector knew.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“This is not a rubber band ball,” he told us. “The rubber bands are just what are covering the true core of this ball. Only I, the creator of the ball, truly know what this ball is. <b>You</b> can only see what it has been covered in.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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He went on to explain that we do this in our lives—we apply rubber bands to our core. God created us to be something/someone, but we seek identity in other things. We apply “rubber bands” to our lives, because we want people to see us as those things.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t think I realized, at the time, how much I did, and would continue to do, just that. It’s something I’ve always done. Perhaps I’ve mentioned before that my motto is basically, “go big or go home.” It’s not so much something that I have consciously implemented in my life as much as it is something ingrained in my character from the beginning. As Matty said to me last night, “You either walk really fast, or you walk really slowly. You’re either really loud or really quiet.” I go to extremes. So when I find something I like, I go at it—hard. And I tend to wrap it around myself like a rubber band, wanting people to see me as that. To associate me with that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I like old-fashioned things, and I have a high appreciation for class. I wear high heels and pencil skirts with my shirts neatly tucked in and topped with a cardigan. My hair is often swept back into a tidy bun, hair sprayed to perfection. While I tend to wear neutral colours (often simply black, white, and grey), my lips are most often painted with a vibrant red (courtesy of the influence of my dear friends Katelyn and Lauren).<o:p></o:p><br />
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I’m known for being a studious person, so I embrace my nerdiness to its fullest. “Yes I just casually quoted Jane Austen in normal conversation—I’m sorry You didn’t notice; let me point that out for you…” type of thing. Tease me for studying too much? You probably just made my day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My blood type is O-negative; the universal donor. Which I find pretty special.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Those are just a few things—to give you a good picture of what I’m talking about.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Today, I had all my rubber bands in place. After only a few tries, my hair kindly complied with my wishes and formed a bun swept over to the side of my head, a braid pulled over as a band on top. My sheer, cream shirt, grey cardigan, and black pencil skirt cleanly contrasted with my cherry-red lips. Even my fingernails were painted red—a rare occurrence, indeed. Finally, I bravely wore my 4-5 inch, off-white, satin heels with sparkly platform and heel. My thick black-rimmed glasses and trademark pearls topped it all off. I looked everything I ever want to look. But was I satisfied?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Nope.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In fact, I was struggling with personal spiritual/emotional things for most of the day. Because even though I looked the part, it didn’t satisfy me. To everyone else, I looked just right—but I knew that, inwardly, I wasn’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I ended up sitting down and exposing many of the lies I’ve been telling myself for so long. Lies that control and enslave me. Lies that pinch and pull and shove me into tight molds that I have forged from personal ideals and values.<o:p></o:p></div>
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People look at me, and what do they see?<o:p></o:p></div>
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The girl who looks like she just walked out of the 1940’s?<o:p></o:p></div>
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The girl who studies a lot and gets good grades? <o:p></o:p></div>
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But is that who I <i>am</i>?<o:p></o:p></div>
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What about when I don’t have time to get ready in the morning, and I end up wearing jeans and a t-shirt?<o:p></o:p></div>
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What about when I don’t get my assignments done, or I don’t make the grade I wanted on the test?<o:p></o:p></div>
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(My blood type isn’t going anywhere—I don’t have to worry about that one)<o:p></o:p></div>
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But really, what happens when those things are gone? That’s a scary idea for me. Because when I seek to find my identity in earthly things, I’m always faced with the reality that those things are temporary. I’m constantly striving to find identity in things, and when they fade, or when other people start claiming them for themselves and outshining me, I feel like part of my significance is sapped away from me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And I’m left wanting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But that’s exactly what I needed. I needed to see that I was searching in all the wrong places for security. Sure, I was seeking security in Christ, but not in <i>every </i>area. I was looking for Christ, <b><i>plus</i></b><i> </i>style. Self-image. Intelligence. Kind of like the “<i>All I need is a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus</i>,” mentality.<o:p></o:p></div>
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No. No no no. You just need Jesus. Yea, I get that I’m taking that very literally and probably too seriously, but we <i>really do </i>think like that sometimes! More times than we’d like to admit, I’d wager.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What do I really need? What am I to be seeking?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">“Whom have I in heaven but you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"><b>And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"><b>My flesh and my heart may fail,<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"><b>but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Zp-Y3Aqx-ek/VPUJG-gt-mI/AAAAAAAAAPk/BH-zWRZHTr0/s1600/11039920_10205950828235648_1307720850_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Zp-Y3Aqx-ek/VPUJG-gt-mI/AAAAAAAAAPk/BH-zWRZHTr0/s1600/11039920_10205950828235648_1307720850_n.jpg" height="195" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"> For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">But for me it is good to be near God;<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">I have made the Lord God my refuge,<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">that I may tell of all your works.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">Psalm 73:25-28<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_zI4GcFN2Pg/VPUJG486uJI/AAAAAAAAAPg/XZiTSltF3wk/s1600/fade%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_zI4GcFN2Pg/VPUJG486uJI/AAAAAAAAAPg/XZiTSltF3wk/s1600/fade%2B1.jpg" height="196" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">“If then you have been raised with Christ, <b>seek the things that are above</b>, <b>where Christ is,</b> seated at the right hand of God. <b>Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth</b>. <b>For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God</b>. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Apple Chancery';">Colossians 3:1-4<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RPjNH9LvHkk/VPUJG7Xbo_I/AAAAAAAAAPc/JIvx4stVo4U/s1600/fade%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RPjNH9LvHkk/VPUJG7Xbo_I/AAAAAAAAAPc/JIvx4stVo4U/s1600/fade%2B2.jpg" height="196" width="200" /></a> I don’t really know how to wrap this up. Indeed, I barely feel like I communicated what I wanted to in this post to begin with. Because it’s still something turning over in my head. I’m still discovering areas in my life where I’m more messed up than I previously realized. I’m still seeking truth to fill in the gaps where I have exposed the lies. And I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know all the right verses. And I’m not going to get this right on the first try.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q5axza5rftw/VPUJHVvJQII/AAAAAAAAAPo/L5MCzRbi3t0/s1600/fade%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q5axza5rftw/VPUJHVvJQII/AAAAAAAAAPo/L5MCzRbi3t0/s1600/fade%2B3.jpg" height="196" width="200" /></a> But it’s easier to clean up when you’re so painfully aware of how dirty things are. And I have the great physician to help me heal. I have the creator who made me—who gave me my core, and desires that I seek <i>Him</i>. Find my identity in <i>Him</i> and who <i>He </i>made me to be. That all my actions and desires are pointed towards Him and my sanctification—for His glory. Not so I can feel good about myself, so that I’m more confident and self-liberated. No, that’s not what I need. I don’t need to feel confident in <i>myself,</i> because if confidence came from how I feel about myself, then a little bit of lipstick would do the trick. Just throw a few more rubber bands on. But being classy isn’t going to cut it. My confidence needs to be in Christ. My boasts are only in Him and the work that He has done. Through my weakness and insufficiency, I—and others—can see His mighty hand at work in the life of someone so undeserving and inadequate as I. </div>
<!-- Blogger automated replacement: "https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-_zI4GcFN2Pg%2FVPUJG486uJI%2FAAAAAAAAAPg%2FXZiTSltF3wk%2Fs1600%2Ffade%252B1.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" with "https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_zI4GcFN2Pg/VPUJG486uJI/AAAAAAAAAPg/XZiTSltF3wk/s1600/fade%2B1.jpg" -->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-61453503056304095232015-02-20T21:16:00.000-08:002015-02-20T21:18:37.572-08:00Faith in the Faithful <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In my “Ready, Set, Sophomore!”
post, I described my feelings about going into the fall semester: “I don’t
think I have ever felt so inadequate for a task in my entire life.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a pretty accurate description of my entire semester. That
semester pushed me to my limit—within the first few weeks. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A little window into the inner-life
of last semester Lydia: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->My schedule was jam-packed. Looking at my
planner for last semester is still sickening.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Within the first few weeks, I began to become
very homesick—that feeling grew and persisted throughout the entire semester.<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->My average amount of sleep per night was 4
hours. Every once and a while I would get 5 or 6—that was a really big
accomplishment. Whenever I had an A&P test, it was more like 2 or 3.
(Friday nights I would be sure to schedule 10 hours to try and make up for the
torture I had put my body through earlier in the week) <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->I became so sleep-deprived that sometimes the
sight of a bed could cause me to burst into tears, and the feeling of flannel
(the fabric basically all my pajama pants are made out of) had the power to
make me sick to my stomach and crave sleep with my entire being. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->I was the most emotionally unstable I have ever
been. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->I cried myself to sleep probably <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">at least</i> once a week—if not more—just
because I was so tired and I wanted to go home so badly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It was the longest semester of my life.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2AgDCgWWCUo/VOgRPP2QvII/AAAAAAAAAOk/7OW72NDVKF0/s1600/11008941_10205870551388777_2108851872_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2AgDCgWWCUo/VOgRPP2QvII/AAAAAAAAAOk/7OW72NDVKF0/s1600/11008941_10205870551388777_2108851872_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend Emily (if you are my friend on Facebook or follow
me on Instagram, she’s my lab partner—the girl with me in all the dead cat
pictures) were reminiscing the other day about last semester and the state we
were in (her semester was very similar). We sat there wondering how on earth
our bodies survived.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But really, we know. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know, because, as terrible as last semester was, and as
much as I am so glad it is over, it taught me so much about my Heavenly Father.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because when you reach the point where you know you can’t go
any farther… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you physically cannot handle the task in front of you…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you seriously <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do
not </i>have enough time to finish everything you need to…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You have a few choices: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Give up—do that thing that you’ve been on the
brink of doing since 8<sup>th</sup> grade. Just quit. Quit trying so hard. Quit
studying so much. Quite caring. Embrace the failure and just deal with it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Plod along and continue to drain yourself,
growing more hopeless every backbreaking step. <br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Or…</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rest
in the strength of the Almighty, and be awestruck every day by His continuous
provision and love. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KCV4apyXUXA/VOgRPAJvHNI/AAAAAAAAAOI/D51suslV11M/s1600/11006167_10205870542068544_417634667_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KCV4apyXUXA/VOgRPAJvHNI/AAAAAAAAAOI/D51suslV11M/s1600/11006167_10205870542068544_417634667_n.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a>I believe God showed me a little more of His character every
day through the struggle that was last semester. I saw it when He brought
things to my remembrance and helped me retain what I studied about the
neuromuscular junction at 1 a.m. I saw it when He gave me the strength to get
out of bed in the morning, even though I had just gotten into it a couple/few
hours before. I saw it in the grace and patience He gave my supervisors at work
for those mornings when I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">didn’t </i>get
out of bed in time. I saw it on the days that I sat crying, staring at my
countdown for Thanksgiving break, wondering if I could make it another day, let
alone three more weeks—but in my heart hearing that still, small voice,
reminding me that God is a faithful Father. He knew my schedule before the
semester began—allowed it to be the way it was. Every day He gave me strength
to get through it. And every day I could look back on the one before and see
His mighty hand and know that the same mighty hand was over the new day as
well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Speaking of
fathers, God used my earthy father—and mother—I know. They prayed for every test.
Every paper. I swear, my parents have prayed me through college thus far. Not
to mention my dad and brother both helped me substantially with my Doctrines
paper; they basically told me every source I needed to look up and read—and
then some. And then there was Matty—bless that boy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1N_FBomlipY/VOgROqavTkI/AAAAAAAAAOA/cptXGLr5NGI/s1600/10997088_10205870541668534_1768675883_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1N_FBomlipY/VOgROqavTkI/AAAAAAAAAOA/cptXGLr5NGI/s1600/10997088_10205870541668534_1768675883_n.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">God used my amazingly supportive<br />
family and friends to pick me up<br />
and help me keep going. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s a commonly known fact that
boys don’t like it when girls cry. They don’t what to do. It’s not a leak that
you can fix with a wrench. Sometimes, nothing fixes it. Matty will never admit
to this, but he’s a pro at dealing with me when I cry—and I cried so much last
semester. And I was tired, oh, so tired. One night at dinner, I looked down at
my iPod and checked my Thanksgiving countdown. I think the countdown read 3
weeks? I could not do three more weeks. One more <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">day</i> was too much, it felt. And I had an A&P test the next day.
I was so tired, but I knew I wouldn’t get to sleep until 2 a.m. at the
earliest. It was too much. I lost complete control of my emotions. The tears
began as a trickle as I slowly put my iPod back into my purse. But then the dam
broke, and my head was down on the table as I sobbed and sobbed. I told him
that I wanted to go home—something he had been hearing from me for most of the
semester. He sat there and comforted me, eventually saying, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“All right, get up. We’re going to
Starbucks and getting you a milkshake” (what he calls Frappuccinos). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“No….I….can’t. I…have…a…test. I
don’t have time… I don’t have time for anything.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“Come on, you’ll be fine. You have
your notes; you can study in the car. You need a pick-me-up.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“You…didn’t….bring…your…keys…to…dinner.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh yea, you’re right...”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, he didn’t give up that easily, and he had another
key handy, and he took me to Starbucks to cheer me up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But he didn’t just use Starbucks. Matty doesn’t struggle
with idolizing schoolwork like I do, so he is really good at teaching me
balance. At night when he would walk me back to my room, he would often part
with me with the words, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">“Unless the Lord builds the house,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">those who build it labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1
ESV). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During prayer, he would often thank God for my diligence and
pray that God would help me honour Him with my work. He would pray that I would
work unto Him and not unto men, and that God would give me strength and rest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qkwAbn5PHzw/VOgRPaDqUII/AAAAAAAAAOU/3qGd5jeqnr4/s1600/11009054_10205870550508755_1681257660_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qkwAbn5PHzw/VOgRPaDqUII/AAAAAAAAAOU/3qGd5jeqnr4/s1600/11009054_10205870550508755_1681257660_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One weekend, Matty went with his friend Isaac to visit <br />
Southern Baptist Seminary in Kentucky.<br />
They drove through and stopped in Chattanooga. There, Matty<br />
bought me chocolate from our favourite coffee shop and he <br />
brought back a fall branch from Chatt so I<br />
could have a little fall from home. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And God
answered those prayers. I remember one week last semester, I honestly and truly
did not have enough time for everything I had due. It was a Wednesday (I was
usually up until 1 or 2 on Wednesday nights working on assignments on a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">normal </i>basis). I had assignments due the
next day. I had church to go to, and I couldn’t skip because we had made
commitments in youth group. <u>It was also White Glove</u>—the bane of every
resident student’s existence—that night. In the smidgen of time I had between
classes and church, I frantically tried to complete my White Glove jobs. It
came to a point when I realized, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m not
going to get these done. It’s impossible</i>. But I had faced a lot of
impossible things that semester. So, with rag in hand, I wiped down the
bathroom wall and prayed, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What do you
have in store for me this time, Lord? I can’t do this, and You know that. You
always provide and humble me with Your amazing plans. How are You going to show
your power this time?</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t challenging Him. I wasn’t being a smart alec. I
just had this peace—I knew that God has something in store for me. Worrying was
pointless—and faithless. So I continued cleaning, and within minutes Nadia, a
girl in my unit, came to me. <br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Hey, I’m done with all my
White Glove jobs—want me to help me with yours?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We passed White Glove with flying colours. I got to church
on time. I finished my assignments. And I had another amazing blessing to add
to my list of reminders of how loving and gracious and mighty my God is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Last
semester is over. This semester has begun. And what does this semester look
like? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->12 credit hours<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Sleep <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Free time<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Social life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sometimes I
feel guilty for having such a light load. Sometimes I’m afraid people are going
to think I’m lazy. But then I just remember that this semester is a gift from
my Father, just like last semester was. He is giving me a much-needed period of
rest. This fall, Lord willing, I will be in nursing school. I will be entering
into quite possibly one of the most (if not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the
</i>most) taxing experiences I have ever been through. But I can face that prospect,
knowing that my God is faithful. He has provided every ounce of energy and
every grade along the way. If He didn’t want me where I am, I know I wouldn’t
be here now, for it is only through His grace that I have made it this far. If
He wants me to make it through nursing school, I will. Right now, I am
thankfully accepting this half-time break that He has provided. I know that
before I know it, the deafening buzzer will sound, and I’ll be right back in
the game, facing a fierce and tireless opponent. I am weak. I am slow. I am
inadequate. But I know,<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">The Lord is the everlasting God, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">the Creator of the ends of the earth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">He does not faint or grow weary;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">His understanding is unsearchable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">He gives power to the faint, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">and to him who has no might he increases strength.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">Even youths shall faint and be weary,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">and young men shall fall exhausted;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">they shall mount up with wings like eagles;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">they shall run and not be weary;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">they shall walk and not faint.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Xingkai SC Light";">(Isaiah 40:28b-41 ESV)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-57005245740557316632015-01-01T18:57:00.002-08:002016-01-24T09:53:15.147-08:00Adventures and Alterations <div class="MsoNormal">
Unexpected. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aRC0ULqrZAg/VKYGx_eRaVI/AAAAAAAAAM4/5SSnCk0U1h8/s1600/boarding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aRC0ULqrZAg/VKYGx_eRaVI/AAAAAAAAAM4/5SSnCk0U1h8/s1600/boarding.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
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Here I sit at gate B22 in Atlanta
airport, waiting for my flight that will whisk me away on a grand adventure all
the way across the country to see my sister and her husband in Seattle. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Seattle</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Washington</i>. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Across the country</i></b>. Are you getting
how incredible this is? I mean, if you don’t know how far away Seattle is, go
watch “Sleepless in Seattle,” and Tom Hanks will break it down for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was not expecting this trip in
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">slightest</i>. This was my grand
surprise Christmas gift from my parents—probably one of the most amazing gifts
I have ever received. I had in my mind how I expected this Christmas break to
go, and with one little box containing a toy airplane and a flight itinerary,
all my expectations were swept away and replaced with the thrilling reality
that I would get to see my sister—<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">soon!</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That’s basically my life these
days. False expectations and unexpected new plans. I hope that doesn’t sound
like I’m complaining; I most certainly am not. God has just taught me a little
something about His sovereignty over this past semester. You see, I went into
this semester thinking I knew what I was going to do, and it involved
graduating through Clearwater. However, all my plans fell away when I was
informed that I could not stay at Clearwater and start nursing school the
semester I wanted (fall 2015). So I changed plans. I started thinking about
other schools to transfer to, or about going to my planned nursing school
without going through Clearwater (that probably doesn’t make much sense unless
you know the whole situation—just know that I was making various plans). It
shook me up a bit at first, having to change plans like that. However, over
time I began to accept and adjust to my new expectations. I didn’t know what
school I would end up at or how everything would work out, but I knew that I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">couldn’t</i> finish through Clearwater, and
I would probably end up going home to Chattanooga for nursing school. Just when
that had settled in and I was mentally ready for the change—PLOT TWIST. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Somebody high up in my college’s
administration was thinking about me—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i>—and
decided she wanted to provide a way for me to be able to still get my degree
through CCC. The timing was incredible. I was making my schedule up for the spring
semester, expecting to not graduate through CCC, so I didn’t register for all
the classes that they required of me. Then the new opportunity came up, and I
shifted my classes once more, making it possible for me to complete all the
classes that CCC required of me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I love the nursing school CCC is
partnered with. Their facilities are beautiful, they have a fantastic
reputation, and everything is great. However, it would be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">significantly</i> less expensive if I were to go to a nursing school in
Chattanooga. I would still get my RN (like I would at the other school); I just
wouldn’t get a bachelor’s degree through CCC, which is not really a big deal.
When I came home for Thanksgiving break, my mom took me to visit Chattanooga
State Community College to talk to people there about what classes I would
need, what their school is like, etc. After that meeting, I knew what decision
I should make: I need to come home next fall. The decision wasn’t a big blow; I
was expecting the same thing earlier this past semester, after all. Both schools
are great nursing schools, and there are pro’s and con’s to both, so it wasn’t
breaking my heart, having to go to one over the other. It was just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">another</i> change of plans. Right when
things had shifted, they were shifting back. It was a little overwhelming. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I got to kick off Christmas break
by studying for my TEAS test, which is a test that Chatt. State requires for
application into their nursing program. After that was all done and I got a
little rest time, I got to spend a big chunk of one day with my mom, applying
to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">both</i> nursing schools—the one in
Tampa and the one in Chattanooga. (just in case I don’t get accepted into
Chatt. State; I may even be applying to some others here in the near future).
My church here in TN knows my current plans, and some here have asked me when
I’m coming home for nursing school. I told them my expectations, but I also
told them that I did not know for sure what<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
</i>is going to happen. You see, I’ve learned that, really, I don’t know
anything for certain except that God is in control. I sometimes wonder why God
changed the mind of CCC to have them let me finish through them if I’m not
going to do it after all. However, even though I am most likely not going to
take their very generous offer (though I am very grateful for it), God still
taught me a special lesson through that major plot twist: He can do <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">anything</b>. Of course, this is something
I already knew—something that has been taught to me from a very young age
(**insert Sunday school song here**). But how often do we actually expect Him
to do something so radical in our own lives? Change plans so that something
that was previously <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> an option now
is? I know <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I</b> wasn’t expecting it.
And I was quite in awe when the plans changed. I didn’t include all the details
in this post, but so many things were involved—so many things were going on
that week—the fact that the woman changed her mind <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that day</i> was obviously a God-thing. God will do whatever He sees
fit to get me wherever He wants me. So I really have no need to worry about the
next step. I can plan for it—should plan for it—but I don’t know if God’s going
to throw a detour in there. He might. I don’t know.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Usually I am a control freak.
Usually, not knowing the next step scares the crud out of me. Usually I panic…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s amazing what college does to a
person. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s just that I have seen so
clearly God’s intimate involvement in my life. His power. His control. I’m just
not scared anymore. Yes, sometimes I really, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> wish I knew <u>for sure</u> what is coming next. I mean, I
have to order books. I have to schedule classes. What if I mess up? What if I
count my chickens before they hatch? But, at the same time, I have peace
knowing that God is powerful, and He provides for His children. I plan on
writing another post soon about some of the experiences I had last semester,
seeing God’s provision in my life. Looking back on this semester, I know that
my part is to “trust in the Lord with all [my] heart and do not lean on [my]
own understanding. In all [my] ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight
[my] paths” (Proverbs 3:5&6 ESV). It really is that simple. It may not
always be easy, but it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> simple. I
learned that verse years ago. I have always believed it. But I didn’t always
see it in action. Now that I have, I see what an exciting thing it can be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rguxzgT6Zbk/VKYG5uH0R8I/AAAAAAAAANQ/Zgy_f15c46o/s1600/flight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rguxzgT6Zbk/VKYG5uH0R8I/AAAAAAAAANQ/Zgy_f15c46o/s1600/flight.jpg" width="240" /></a>My good friend Katelyn and I love
adventures. We love going on them, creating them, <o:p></o:p></div>
thinking of them, reading of
them… Our adventures may not always look like adventures to other people, but
we do savour each and every one. This trip I’m on to Seattle is a great adventure
(by the way, I boarded the flight a while ago and am currently traveling at 499mph
with a head wind of 26 mph at an altitude of 31,091 feet—if your curiosity
stretches further, the outside temperature is -60 <b style="text-indent: 48px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "lucida grande"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">°</span></b><span style="text-indent: 48px;">F, I have traveled 1,198 miles and have 1,015 miles ahead of me, with only 2 hours and 06 minutes more to go—and by the time I got that all written, most of that information has already changed, of course, but I still found it all fascinating, so I decided to share).</span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">When I was still sitting at my gate, I texted Matty, “I’M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE” (probably for the zillionth time, or so). He responded by telling me that everything is an adventure… and isn’t that true? Life is crazy. Does a day </span><i style="text-indent: 48px;">ever</i><span style="text-indent: 48px;"> go by where </span><i style="text-indent: 48px;">nothing</i><span style="text-indent: 48px;"> unexpected occurs? Even if you’re expectations are that everything is going to be unexpected, if that comes true, then your day went as expected, making your day unexpected… Sorry. I’ll stop that.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My point is, God has me on a great
adventure. I don’t know what’s coming next—just that He’s in control of
whatever it is, and “we know that for those who love God all things work
together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans
8:28 ESV). Right this very second, I’m in one of those lovely little
sub-adventures within my great adventure—it’s one of those adventures that
Katelyn and I celebrate (yes, I’m going to continue calling these
sub-adventures “my adventures,” despite the whole “everything is an adventure”
thing—so don’t get too picky on me, now). So here, at 29,970 feet, over
whatever state this is (I wish I learned my geography better when I was little,
then I could tell you), I finish this post and enjoy this adventure I’m on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-g6SU3UBr6CU/VKYG2rO-0CI/AAAAAAAAANI/jgHNq83HV6U/s1600/skilla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-g6SU3UBr6CU/VKYG2rO-0CI/AAAAAAAAANI/jgHNq83HV6U/s1600/skilla.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The next day, on another adventure:<br />
riding the bus with my sister!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Us1ca5HjuEE/VKYISU2vOcI/AAAAAAAAANs/gC5oiDhnX9A/s1600/tired%2Barriva.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Us1ca5HjuEE/VKYISU2vOcI/AAAAAAAAANs/gC5oiDhnX9A/s1600/tired%2Barriva.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After I finally arrived--waiting<br />
AND WAITING<br />
for my luggage</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-68671027359011121762014-09-21T20:27:00.001-07:002014-09-21T20:31:20.573-07:00Ready, Set, Sophomore! <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fVP69V8igFI/VB-W5Q4dSPI/AAAAAAAAAMk/qtgO0PHiOks/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fVP69V8igFI/VB-W5Q4dSPI/AAAAAAAAAMk/qtgO0PHiOks/s1600/1.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
Let me
start this by saying that this blog post has gone through more introductory
paragraphs than posts I have put on my blog. So much has been going on in my
life and in my heart; I have been dying to write. However, the insanity that
makes me wants to write is the same insanity that keeps me from doing so. I
have now been back at school for almost two months (I think?), but the majority
of this post’s content refers back to the first couple weeks of school. By the
end of a couple weeks, I had already felt as if I had managed to run a
spiritual, emotional, and mental marathon, complete with twists, turn, and
hills galore. It is incredible the work that God sometimes does in such short
spans of time…<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>To start
out with, I was really struggling with the idea of coming back to school. To
put it in less polished terminology, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
did not want to come back to school. At.All.</i> From face value, this did not
make much sense. I loved my Freshman year. I love Clearwater Christian College.
My grades were fine, I have made wonderful friends, and I have a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">fantastic</b> support group down there
(including my Starkey family which I <u>love</u>). Looking at the big picture,
there was no reason for me to feel such resistance to going back. But I did.
Past posts have discussed the hard time I had those last few weeks of last
semester. For the first time since I was, like, nine, I felt some <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">serious</i> homesickness, and I was
completely worn to the bone with work. Though God really did teach me a lot
through that rough patch, it still left a foul taste in my mouth, and that was
what came to mind whenever I thought of returning to school. Unending work.
Late nights, early mornings. Always pushing. Never stopping. Work. No rest.
Pleasure always saturated with guilt (because, of course, I could be using that
“free” time for all the work that’s pressing on my back…there is no such thing
as “free time”). I think you can get an idea of why school was so terrifying to
me. I just did not want to go through that pain again. I knew in my head that
there were reasons why I loved CCC, but those reasons were a little hazy behind
the fog of exhaustion that was my last few weeks of freshman year. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But, like
it or not, time came for me to be back at school. I knew that my fear and
anxiety—my <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sin</i></b>—needed to be worked on…big time. Especially since, amidst
all this inner conflict, the fact that I was about to be a Discipleship Leader
(DL) in my dorm unit was staring me in the face. Oh, how unqualified. I had
just come out of a summer that was wonderful and, as always, a growing time for
me, but it had also involved some serious spiritual questions, fears, and
frustrations that I have not had to deal with in years. That stepping stone had
just finished and then <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">BOOM</b>—back to
school, the most trying place I could ever be. As the day to be back loomed
nearer and nearer, I began trying to work on my attitude. One of the things I
reminded myself of was the attitude I adopted before I started school last
fall: I have to go to school, whether I like it or not—I might as well let
myself enjoy it! (A little glimpse into the heart of a drama-queen—sometimes,
when things look bad, we amplify that bad for dramatic effect and end up not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">letting</i> ourselves see the good because
we’re so busy making the bad sound bad. Not that we think the bad is that bad,
we just want other people to understand that it’s not good… I’m probably
confusing you further… moving on…) As my father and I rode across the causeway
and I looked out at the palm trees and the water, I began praying. Only God
could fix that faithless attitude of mine. Now, sometimes—oftentimes in my
case—God likes to take His time with His lessons. Teach me faith and patience….
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
But sometimes, God
sure does work quickly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Within that day I was reminded of some of the reasons I love
CCC. My dear friends drew me in and lightened my heart. The next day, a Sunday,
I got to go back to Starkey and feel that lovely embrace of the body of Christ.
DL sessions helped me re-focus on the most important aspect of school—and life:
God. Serving Him. Glorifying Him. Finding contentment in Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then the
semester hit me. Like.A.Truck. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I don’t
think I have ever felt so inadequate for a task in my entire life. Looking at
my syllabi, I had no idea if it was humanly possible to do all the things I was
being asked to do. Crazy school schedule (as much as I love my teachers—and
they’re great—sometimes I think they forget that their class is not the only
class I’m taking… you know how that goes, I’m sure, especially if you’re a
college student). Lots of work hours. Being a DL. Hoping to maintain healthy
relationships with the people I care about. All this while still trying to take
care of that minor detail called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">staying
alive</i>. I will tell you right now, my heart felt like it was free-falling. I
was exhausted. And school had barely started. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I had to
make some scary, big-girl decisions. One thing was that I had to go back to my
boss and tell him that I couldn’t work all the hours he assigned for me. For
many of you, you may be wondering what the big deal is about that. Well, for a
people-pleasing perfectionist who dreads confrontation and even the suggestion
of disappointment of others, this is a HUGE deal.
CALL-MOM-AND-CRY-OVER-THE-TELEPHONE-WHILE-YOU-EXPLAIN-YOUR-CRIPPLING-FEAR-AND-SHAME
big deal. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I was still
sinking, still free-falling. But God was working, as He always is. One night
after a DL meeting, my dear friend saw my exhausted face and run-down demeanor,
and she asked me that simple, thoughtful question:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“Hey, girl. Are you
doing alright?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I almost
shrugged it off. Did she really want the truth? Besides, I had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">homework</i> to get to. One of the many
reasons I was so down to begin with. But something in me pressed the truth to
my lips.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked if I wanted
to talk. The truth was, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">needed</i> to
talk. I knew that. I had very recently accepted the fact that I really needed
help. I needed biblical counseling and encouragement from someone. But I didn’t
feel like I had time to deal with my problems. But I couldn’t say no. I was too
low to refuse. I poured my heart out to her. I explained one of my deepest
struggles—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What’s the point, and is it
ever worth it?</i> I know those question are worldly. They’re not based on the
promises of God, and they reflect lack of faith and understanding. Yes, I get
that. I knew it then, I know it now. That knowledge only made me feel worse. I
worked and worked and worked, but once a test is completed, there’s another
chapter to be tested. I complete this semester, there’s another waiting right
behind it. Stay up late to finish schoolwork, just to wake up to another day of
pressure. I was being crushed. I felt so alone. So helpless. And so guilty. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Isn’t it
crazy how God sometimes leads you to people who can understand what you are
going through? Honestly, I didn’t imagine any of the other DL’s being able to
relate to what I was going through, and I felt horrible going through it for
that very reason (and others). We shared each other’s burdens. We talked about
biblical answers to our questions. We were there for one another. And what a
difference that made! No, all my questions were not answered, but I didn’t feel
so alone and helpless anymore. I had encouragement from a sister in Christ, and
I had thoughtful, biblical encouragement from her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The next
day was a Tuesday—the one day of the week where I have a large chunk of nothing
in the middle of the day. I typically use this time for either devos or a nap.
That day it was devos. I sat down to 2<sup> </sup>Peter. Nothing out of the
ordinary—I had been going through 1 and 2 Peter. But the passage that day was 2
Peter 1:3-15. You know, sometimes I get frustrated with my devotions. Just
being honest. I’ll be struggling with something and I’ll go to the Bible—search
through the Bible—but nothing seems to help. Then there are those days that God
smacks me in the face with the truth I need. That Tuesday just so happened to
be one of those days. However, at first, it looked like it was going to be
another dry day. And I needed a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b>
dry day. I read the passage… then re-read it… then re-read it. I was looking at
the words, but they were not sinking in at all. My mind was getting jumbled
with all the phrases, and I couldn’t grasp a coherent thought. Add to that the
fact that all the things crowding my life were fighting for attention in my
brain. So I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down in bullet form all the things
buzzing through my brain. Then I put it aside and purposed to not think about
those things right then. Then I had such a marvel idea: what if I applied all
those lessons I learned last year in Biblical Interpretations about how to
study the Bible (way to go, Lydia—it only took you a year…)? Phrase by phrase,
sentence by sentence, thought by thought, God’s word pierced my heart and
showed me my faults—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and </i>how to fix
them. There were answers! There were rebukes! There were instructions! There
was hope! God showed me that He has provided me everything I need to live
righteously; I just need to apply those things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is still
a struggle. My life is going at break-neck speed, and it is not going to slow
down any time soon. Honestly, I want to drop out of college at least once a
day. It’s hard to see how any of this can be worth it. But God opened my eyes
to something important. And another thing; He brought to my attention that I am
living my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me explain myself…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sometimes,
I feel like I’m just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">preparing</i> for my
life. I mean, isn’t that what school’s all about? High school exists to
“prepare you for college,” and college exists to “prepare you for life/your
future/your career/insert-inspirational-challenging-noun-here.” But somewhere
in all that motivation, they forget to mention that, while we have a lot to
prepare for, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we are living our lives
right now, too.</i> I have this bad habit of always wanting to look ahead. To
plan. To be in control. In doing so, I don’t look around. I will neglect to
spend time with someone because I have to get ahead on my school work so I can
get good grades so I can do fine in nursing school so I can get a good job in a
hospital so I can… You see what I’m getting at? I’m always doing things for the
future. I am always thinking of how what I am doing now will help me in the
future. Which is all well and good, except I never invest in right now. What
about what God is teaching me right now? What He’s doing for me right now? The
people in my life right now. The experiences of right now that I will never get
again. My point is, God is starting to teach me the thing that everyone in my
life (my dad, my mom, my friends) has been trying to teach me for
years—balance. Now, I do <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> have it
all figured out yet. I mean, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i>
need to study—my parents would <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b>
be too fond of me starting to fail tests…. Not to mention that it would
probably throw me into an emotional pit. Yea, let’s not do that. But God is
teaching me about what’s most important, and that thing is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i>school. Sometimes, it’s okay to put off homework so I can talk
to a hurting friend. Just because an assignment “could have been better if I
had more time” doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It does not even mean that I was
irresponsible with my time. It just means that there were other important
things that needed done too, and I had to “give and take” a little. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Honestly,
it’s hard to put into words the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">many</i>
lessons that God has taught me over these past couple of months. Perhaps I
could do it, but I would need about a day set aside for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just writing</i>, and it would probably result in a small book. As much
as I would love to spend an entire day writing, I don’t have time for that. And
you’re probably not that interested in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A
Book on the Inner-Workings of the Brain of Wynette Lydia Huguenin</i>. Oh my.
Even the title is frightening. But maybe this post will give you a small taste.
I must say, it was lovely to be able to write all this out. I hope it is
coherent, because it is the work of many sporadic, short writing sessions over
the span of a couple weeks. I have no lovely conclusion for this to summarize
my thoughts and wrap them with a pretty bow. My apologies to all you English
majors and teachers out there. Only this…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I hope your rambles have been sweet, and your reveries spacious…” <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">~Emily Dickinson~<o:p></o:p></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-65758397336550724122014-06-06T15:35:00.002-07:002014-06-06T17:33:00.479-07:00Part 3~Far Better than the Beginning <div class="MsoNormal">
Do not think that I was always miserable during that first
year or those that followed it. They were hard—incredibly—but there was always
light that leaked in. There was always laughter, and I have beautiful memories
from every year. Ninth grade changed a lot of things, especially in my class.
My dad started “Partnership in Prayer” at our school; once a month, during the
Thursday chapel hour, our 7<sup>th</sup>-12<sup>th</sup> graders would break up
into small groups and have prayer time, snacks, and a small devotion <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cP2SGTs_BiY/U5JAGYgJTbI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/1mmat6p5bZA/s1600/freshmen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cP2SGTs_BiY/U5JAGYgJTbI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/1mmat6p5bZA/s1600/freshmen.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">End of Freshman Year </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
led by a
teacher/staff member. That year all the girls in my class were with Mrs. Dunn.
We all bonded in that small room off of the sanctuary. We opened up to one
another. One of the boys in our class asked our Bible teacher if he could share
something God was teaching him during class. We were stirred up; we changed.
Remember Lindsay Cate, who, in eighth grade, would think up things to do just
to make me mad (like flirt with the boy I had an embarrassingly big crush
on—oooooh middle school…we’ve all been there—unless you haven’t yet, of course)?
She personally invited me to her birthday party (and it wasn’t even one of
those invite-the-whole-class-even-the-people-you-don’t-like parties—it was
actually an I’m-only-inviting-a-few-people party). Less and less snide remarks
were made in youth group. I matured a lot too—that really helped.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, there were days that my whole body ached with missing
home. Many tears were shed, and I would wonder why it had to hurt so badly. I
knew there was a point to all of it, but I really wanted to be told what it was—like,
right then. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> told. Over
time, I was told. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C4vhSqRhZus/U5JAIwFEXLI/AAAAAAAAAKs/Gh_RGYxpO-k/s1600/play.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C4vhSqRhZus/U5JAIwFEXLI/AAAAAAAAAKs/Gh_RGYxpO-k/s1600/play.jpg" height="160" width="320" /></a>I was told by late night conversations with dear Berean friends.
I was told standing on a stage, taking part in entertaining with the art of
drama. I was told on long bus rides to competitions, games, championships,
mission trips, field trips. I was told standing in front of peers, friends, and
family, giving my valedictorian address, looking down to the smile of my
co-valedictorian, my friend. I was told when that green and yellow tassel was
finally turned, and I could see how all those emotionally <o:p></o:p><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qqyC6imP1dw/U5JA6ZnT5yI/AAAAAAAAAK4/AK5t-RAQ2wE/s1600/bus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qqyC6imP1dw/U5JA6ZnT5yI/AAAAAAAAAK4/AK5t-RAQ2wE/s1600/bus.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So many memories<br />
in that short Berean bus</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x1RMybYvhqM/U5JA52fHbzI/AAAAAAAAAK0/CTAJWpSoAo4/s1600/grad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x1RMybYvhqM/U5JA52fHbzI/AAAAAAAAAK0/CTAJWpSoAo4/s1600/grad.jpg" height="320" width="202" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x1RMybYvhqM/U5JA52fHbzI/AAAAAAAAAK0/CTAJWpSoAo4/s1600/grad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> and mentally draining
efforts had paid off. I was slowly told, and the farther I went, the clearer
the past became. I could see how God placed me exactly where I needed to be. As
hard as it was—is—for me to be the only kid in the family who can’t claim even
one year at TCHS, I know that Berean was the best thing for me. My personality
and my style of learning—I needed Berean. I learned so much there, and not just
academics. I was taught by my friends and my teachers. My friends; sometimes I
think about the past and laugh. I think of the people I used to not get along
with that I now love spending time with. Over time, Rachel and I developed traditions
in youth group, like the water drinking contest after the Christmas gingerbread
house contest (Rachel won every year). Or, my personal favourite, watching The
Lost Valentine at my house after the church’s annual chili cook-off with the
girls in the church (the best part is seeing the newbies cry—or, more
accurately, crying along with the newbies). Of course, with me at college in
Florida and her at Bryan, we really can’t keep up with the traditions. But we
do still sing together when we get the chance (in fact, we’re singing this
Sunday since I leave again for camp next Friday). Both Rachel and Lindsay Cate
were some of the first to call me last year when “Lydia finally got a
boyfriend!” In fact, Lindsay Skyped me so she could hear the <b>whole</b> story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6M74mFd93DU/U5JA6Z-Hu3I/AAAAAAAAALA/4X1kvhCMUB4/s1600/nyc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6M74mFd93DU/U5JA6Z-Hu3I/AAAAAAAAALA/4X1kvhCMUB4/s1600/nyc.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Traipsing around NYC with these lovely ladies<br />
Brooklyn and Lindsay Cate</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Aside from a rough patch during sophomore year, Brooklyn has remained a dear
friend. She and I continued being the class nerds, but don’t let that deceive you. She’s drop-dead GORGEOUS and super cool and talented (and she was popular—yea, one <i>those</i> nerds: the pretty, popular type;) she's pretty great).She’s currently working like a crazy woman—taking summer
classes <i>and </i>working a summer job.
Because she’s one tough cookie.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where am I going with this? I’ve actually started asking
myself the same question. Seems that I’ve just begun to rattle on about life.
But, you see, that’s kind of what I mean. The end of the matter—it’s so much
better than the beginning. Not that this is an end. I mean, I still live in
Chatt. I haven’t died. There’s no set “end” to moving away from somewhere (I
guess until you move somewhere else? I don’t know…). But I’ve come to the point
where I am content. I can look back and praise God for what He did. And not
just the praise that comes amid the storm—when you praise God because you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know</i> He is good, even though you can’t
see the sun. Those praises are great. But this is the praise that comes when
the clouds have rolled away and the flowers that were watered during the storm
are in bloom. When you can see the fruit with your own eyes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over this school year, I, for the first time, missed
Chattanooga. I was so excited to go <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">home</i>.
To my home in Hixson. To my crazy green and blue room. I missed my family most
of all, but I found myself calling Chattanooga home. West Virginia is still
home. It will always be home. That mountain blood runs deep. I grew up there.
My first memories are there. There I lost my baby teeth, made my first friends,
learned how to ride a bike, walked to the store when we needed more lights for
the Christmas tree (which was pretty much every year), learned how to ski. There
are things Tucker County holds that Chattanooga never can. But they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">both</i> hold places in my heart. I’m
thankful for them both. I grew up in West Virginia; I continued to grow in
Tennessee. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pride held me back for quite some time. I wonder how different
those first few years would have been had I been more patient, less prideful. Yes,
the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
And the end of this matter is much better than its
beginning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!-- Blogger automated replacement: "https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-x1RMybYvhqM%2FU5JA52fHbzI%2FAAAAAAAAAK0%2FCTAJWpSoAo4%2Fs1600%2Fgrad.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" with "https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x1RMybYvhqM/U5JA52fHbzI/AAAAAAAAAK0/CTAJWpSoAo4/s1600/grad.jpg" -->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-23840899981992112182014-06-02T19:02:00.003-07:002014-06-02T19:02:27.620-07:00Part 2- The Beginning of the Matter... and moving towards the middle. <div class="MsoNormal">
We arrived at our new house the next day, June 3<sup>rd</sup>;
we left for camp two days later, on the fifth. Camp was my constant. Despite
everything changing, camp was there like a beacon in the summer. It may sound
weird calling camp a constant—you see, it’s a young camp, so it’s always
changing. New buildings. New staff. But it’s always camp. Always home. I’m <i>expecting</i> it to be different—that’s part
of what camp is! But I had never changed where I lived before; that was much
different.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was back in TN by July. This is when the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real</i> work began. I soon learned that
making friends was going to be harder than I thought. Before I moved I was
nervous about it, but I thought, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hey! I
do this every year at camp. It’ll be alright…</i> Wrong. Making friends at camp
is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">much</i> different from making friends
at your new place of residence. You see, at camp, everyone is meeting new
people. You’re all in this new, exciting experience together, and you’re
expecting to meet and interact with people you don’t know. Sure, there are
those who come with friends, but most of them branch out and make new friends
too. It’s camp! Coming to TN was much different. I was barging into their preexisting
lives. I was new—they weren’t. They had their friends; they didn’t have to
branch out and try new things. I was the new kid. I was an intruder. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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At first it wasn’t so bad (of course, at first I barely knew
anyone—there wasn’t much opportunity for it to go bad). Our church had VBS (a
new thing for me—I was used to Neighborhood Bible Time which is much, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">much</i> different), and I was partnered
with the girl in my church who was also going into 8<sup>th</sup> grade:
Rachel. We actually made a pretty decent team that week, and she encouraged me
to do something <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">waaaaay</i> outside my
comfort zone: she told me to try out for middle school volleyball. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Fun fact about Lydia
Huguenin: I have zero coordination. Zero experience. Zero athletic ability.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She and her mom told me to just come to practice—I didn’t
have to join if I didn’t want to. Just try. “Besides,” they encouraged me, “our
team isn’t even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> good. You’ll be
fine. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have experience.” (BY<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THE WAY, they got 2<sup>nd</sup> place in the
championship that year. So yea… so much for “we’re not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> good.) Anyway, I tried. And I joined the team. Volleyball
turned out to be a major blessing in my life, but it often felt like a curse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings: it was there that I got to know people, felt
involved in something (gives you a sense of belonging, no matter how
misguided), and it was there that I met my best friend—Brooklyn. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Curses: I’m terrible at volleyball—that became painfully
obvious very quickly—, only Brooklyn liked me, aaaand I’m terrible at
volleyball. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was actually because volleyball that my mom introduced me
to that verse, <span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Ephesians 7:8</span>
“<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Better is the end of a thing than
its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.” </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I was struggling with making
friends, struggling with this sport that I was no-good at (it’s rather
uncomfortable to recognize that you’re the worst player on the team), and
struggling with missing my home. In one of my cry-fests on my mom’s bed, she
gave me that verse as an encouragement. I had to remember: the end will be
better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Volleyball allowed me to know people before going into the
school year. So I wasn’t a hopeless mess that first day—but about as close to
it as I possibly could have been. Somehow I found my way in that mess… but it
was an ugly ordeal. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was not popular. I’m not talking about the “oh, she’s new
and quite so no one really notices her” type of unpopular. I mean the “we hate
her” unpopular. You’re probably thinking I was just a hypersensitive middle
school girl over-exaggerating my misery. Weeeeell, the reason I knew everyone
hated me was because they later told me. Honestly, I didn’t even know how
disliked I was until later. We’ll get to that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part—well, most—of my unpopularity was my own fault.
Remember how, in my last post, I mentioned how I didn’t want to let go of WV?
Yea. That was pretty intense. In case you don’t know me well, let me tell you:
I’m very stubborn. I don’t let go of things. I hang on until I’m pried away
from the object or injured. And that’s how I was about WV. That was home, and I
determined that it would <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">always be home</b>.
In turn, I concluded that TN would never be—I wouldn’t let it. I feared that,
if I were to accept TN as home, then I would lose WV. So I was cold. Distant.
TN couldn’t accept me, because I refused to accept it. This place was strange.
Different. Therefore, in my mind, inferior. I hated it. In fact, it wasn’t
until this past year that I would say, “I’m going home” when talking about
going back to Chattanooga. I used to say “I’m going back to where I live,”
“back to my house,” or something along those lines. “Home” was a sacred word.
One reserved for West Virginia. One, in my mind, TN couldn’t take from me. I
couldn’t—wouldn’t—call it something that it wasn’t. My sister and I were
recently discussing how both of us dealt with the move. You see, my parents easily
could see how hard it was on Priscilla. I already mentioned that she has a much
sweeter disposition than I have. Therefore, she shows pain differently than I
do. She was much more willing to show her weakness and pain outwardly (I am <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b> saying that as a bad thing; please
don’t think that I consider my sister weak or inferior—nothing can be farther
from the truth). I am different. I grew callous. Cold. Angry and bitter are
really strong words, and I’m not sure I got to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> point, but oh, I was dancing on the line for sure. Never angry
at God. Never angry at dad. Angry at this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">place</i>.
This place that I didn’t understand, didn’t appreciate, and straight-up didn’t
like. I was in a lot of pain. Priscilla mentioned that I was probably in just as
much pain as her—the move was probably just as hard for me—but I displayed it
soooo differently. Where in Priscilla you could see the pain and the hurt, all
you could see in me was fierce determination. That was, of course, if you could
see the real me, like Priscilla could. I mentioned before that I knew how to
put on a face. That’s what those first few years were—putting on a face.
Answering all the well-intended questions with a smile and a polite answer.
“How do you like it here?” “It’s very different.” (that was my go-to answer; I
do my very best to not lie, but I couldn’t really reveal the truth). <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PPetS5LMHo8/U40qXfnSawI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/gc7IYG-K-2U/s1600/snow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PPetS5LMHo8/U40qXfnSawI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/gc7IYG-K-2U/s1600/snow.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The people there told us that it never snows in Chattanooga<br />Priscilla and I were determined to prove them wrong<br />We prayed for this snow for a very long time<br />It wasn't much, but it was a beautiful gift</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So there was one of the reasons people didn’t like me—I
didn’t like TN. Another reason: I loved WV. Honestly, this one wasn’t quite fair.
You see, people thought I was really annoying. One of the reasons was because I
only ever talked about WV. “Back in West Virginia….**insert something here**”
People got really tired of that. In fact, it became a joke in the school to
talk about “back in West Virginia” just to mock me. I wasn’t amused. Of course,
I never really let people see how much that hurt me. But, believe me, it did.
They were mocking me and the one thing most precious to me in four simple
words. I get it—they were sick of hearing it. But what I was frustrated about was,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what else was I supposed to talk about?</i>
They talked all about back-in-seventh-grade or back-in-sixth-grade. Why?
Because that was what they had their stories/memories from. We talk about our
fond memories. They did. I did. The difference: none of these people were there
for mine. And, frankly, no one cared about mine (which they had no reason to,
so I don’t blame anyone for that). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, let’s see… I was terrible at sports, I was different, I
was loud <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> clumsy, I was annoying,
and I wouldn’t shut up about WV. Put it all together and what do ya got? Most
disliked girl in the 8<sup>th</sup> grade. Looking back now, I’m amazing at how
much I didn’t notice, and how much I shrugged off. I didn’t hear most of what
they said about me, and, honestly, I didn’t think much about all the boys’
pranks. The fact that they scuffed up the floor just to bother me (I have a
pet-peeve about scuffs, and I would walk down the hallways rubbing them off
with the sole of my shoe—those shoes wore down fast) and tripped me as I walked
through the classroom actually didn’t bother me as much as they probably wanted
it to. I was used to being teased, so I didn’t detect all the malice that went
into it. I was able to laugh it off… for a while. I did start getting fed up
with it after a while and would respond to the line of feet stuck in front of
mine as I walked through the classroom with, “Excuse me, but I’m very good at
falling down on my own; I do not require your assistance.” But, like I said, I
didn’t catch on for a while. I lived in blissful ignorance for some time. All I
could sense was that I was having a hard time making friends. It wasn’t until a
girl came up to me and said, “I’m so sorry Lydia. It must be so hard knowing
that everyone is talking about you behind your back,” that I started to catch
on. I’m actually laughing now, just thinking about it. Bless that girl. I don’t
even remember who it was. She seemed to feel so bad for me. So remorseful. I
just thanked her and walked on. In my head, though, I was thinking, “oh…
they’re talking about me behind my back…” Suffice it to say, it was news for
me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oJQKduQ0dZY/U40qU-3kjVI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/nMv_-tbPwxI/s1600/brooklyn+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oJQKduQ0dZY/U40qU-3kjVI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/nMv_-tbPwxI/s1600/brooklyn+1.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">February of our 8th grade year:<br />Brooklyn invited me to go<br />tubing with her youth group</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tDkdX5p_OaE/U40qWC9RcbI/AAAAAAAAAJY/TB29u-9_AO4/s1600/brooklyn+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tDkdX5p_OaE/U40qWC9RcbI/AAAAAAAAAJY/TB29u-9_AO4/s1600/brooklyn+2.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Graduation: Co-valedictorians<br />Told you we're nerds;) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But thank God for Brooklyn. Brooklyn was the one girl in the
class who actually liked me. She and I had a lot in common. We’re both very
dedicated to grades. We both have strong personalities. We were both tiny (at
that point, 4 foot 11 inches and around 95 pounds). And, honestly, neither of
us was very popular. We were the class nerds. Two peas in a pod. Our biggest
differences were the fact that she was/is athletic, and while I was brown-haired,
brown-eyed,
still-in-the-awkard-stage-I-had-been-in-ever-since-I-could-remember, she was a
blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty (which she still is, I might add). By the way,
she will deny the “beauty” part, claiming that I really was pretty and she looked
weird back then—don’t listen to her, k? Back on track… besides Brooklyn, there
were only a few other people who liked me (or, at least, didn’t hate me). One
of them I never really got to know, a couple of them I didn’t get to know until
later, and the other was a guy who had a crush on me for a reasons I’m sure I will
never understand. I already told you, I was still in the awkward stage—<b>big time</b>.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yZIPXrbxG9A/U40qWuXtWeI/AAAAAAAAAJw/8bfn6z15R1g/s1600/friends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yZIPXrbxG9A/U40qWuXtWeI/AAAAAAAAAJw/8bfn6z15R1g/s1600/friends.jpg" height="266" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Senior Year, National Fine Arts Competition<br />It's beautiful to see how God grew us and brought us<br />together. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mentioned in ~Title Page~ that I no longer hold any ill
feelings towards those who didn’t like me. That is very true. In fact, one of
the girls who disliked me the most, Lindsay Cate, is now very dear to me. I
mention her name only because I’m pretty positive she wouldn’t mind. In fact,
she and I sometimes have “remember-in-8<sup>th</sup>-grade-when” conversations
in which we talk about the things we did, how we treated each other, and how stupid
we were about things. She’s told me about all the things she did to make me
miserable; some of them are actually quite amusing. Those are fun
conversations. I’m not even lying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y1fa9KCPwqw/U40qWigthEI/AAAAAAAAAJo/jeIGBs6vyCA/s1600/singing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y1fa9KCPwqw/U40qWigthEI/AAAAAAAAAJo/jeIGBs6vyCA/s1600/singing.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Singing with Rachel before I left for camp last summer<br />It's what we do </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An interesting fact about Rachel: we didn’t get along well
for a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">long</i> time (don’t worry—we
totally do now), but we were always brought together by music. Rachel and I
both love to sing (she can also play the piano), so we would sing together in
church all the time. No matter what was going on at school, no matter how
irritated we were with one another, no matter how mad we were, somehow,
someway, we could come together and sing as if there was nothing in the world
wrong. And it would seem that way whenever we practiced and whenever we
performed—at least, I know it was that way for me. And even when our
relationship was bad, we still could have a blast together… it was complex..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
During all this time, the hardest thing to deal with was
missing WV. This place was strange. And hot. I was set against it, so I didn’t
find many positive things about it. And all that time I was working so hard at
holding on to WV. I remember one youth activity where we were all in the gym
and Rocky Top started playing. In case you don’t know the song at all, here are
some lyrics: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Rocky Top you’ll
always be<o:p></o:p></div>
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Home sweet home to me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Good ole Rocky Top<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rocky Top Tennessee<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right in that chorus I broke down. I ran to the bathroom and
cried. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rocky Top… rocky top will <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">never </b>be home to me. They don’t
understand. They’re out there singing about their home… and I’m miles and miles
away from mine…</i> I just wanted to go home. I wanted to see my friends.
Breathe that mountain air. Soak in the sunset. Feel the grass—real grass—under
my feet. Walk those broken sidewalks. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Country
roads, take me home to the place I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take
me home, country roads.</i> I remember one day in P.E. I caught the whiff of
the breeze coming in from outside. I don’t know if it was my mind playing
tricks on me (I missed home so badly, it probably was), but I smelled snow. I
closed my eyes and breathed it in deep. For a moment, I put myself back in WV.
I could see the snow piling on our yard. I could smell it. Feel it. I opened my
eyes. I was back in the gym with the army of green-shorted middle schoolers
walking around and around the court. It was like moving all over again. The
pang of loneliness—realizing that you’re not there anymore. Won’t be there.
Can’t be there. Another lap around the gym. Alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Youth group was the worst. People would fight with me, just
to get me riled up. They would say things about WV. They would talk about the
superiority of TN. I was also to blame; I got frustrated. I fought with all my
might. Fought until I was sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears, I
fought. I worked so hard to not be conformed to it all. I never said y’all. I
made a point to say “soda” or “pop.” I resisted feeling cold, afraid of losing
my “tough, mountain girl blood.” So stubborn. So resistant. So proud. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember sitting in bed one day (I don’t remember when it
was—it may have been a year or more later) when it hit me. You see, I always
imagined—hoped—that I would be willing to follow God, even if He sent me to the
wilds of Africa. I would serve Him. Do His work. Do what it took to be involved
with those people and their culture. Love them. Then it hit me—this was my
Africa. It was so subtle that I didn’t recognize it. If it had been Africa, I probably
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>have been more
patient/understanding/submissive. Everything would have been different; Africa
isn’t America—you can’t expect it to be the same, and you can’t treat it the
same. It’s not! It’s not bad—just different. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Tennessee isn’t West
Virginia. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
You can’t expect it
to be the same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
You can’t treat it the
same. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
It’s not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
It’s not bad—just
different. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally recognized my folly—my sin. I had been in the
wrong the whole time. God wasn’t asking me to forget West Virginia. Yes, it was
home. Always would be. But God placed me in TN. It was time to accept that.
Time to let go of the bitterness. Time to accept TN. Time to learn to
appreciate, yes, even enjoy, what God had given me. Time to love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, it hit me. No, I was not very good at it. I’m still not
very good at it. But I had started a journey of learning and growing… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A journey I will talk about more in the next post… <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m sure you’ve had more than enough for now. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-64730811606157158722014-06-01T11:55:00.002-07:002014-06-01T11:55:56.993-07:00Part 1 ~ The Beginning of the Beginning of the Matter <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jQcWzcLV1DU/U4tyQ6X2hEI/AAAAAAAAAH0/daBMIlmts5U/s1600/mnts+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jQcWzcLV1DU/U4tyQ6X2hEI/AAAAAAAAAH0/daBMIlmts5U/s1600/mnts+.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Centennial Point, Tucker County, WV</td></tr>
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The story begins a little earlier than you may suspect:
summer 2007. I was 11. It was the very beginning of the summer, and dad sat us
down for a little family meeting. I don’t know about your family, but we didn’t
have family meetings. Like, ever. So I was pretty nervous. What could this
mean? I don’t know what all I dreamt up in my over-active imagination, but I
never imagined my dad would tell us what he did that day. My brother, Timothy
(the eldest of us four children), had just graduated high school. Next school
year Elizabeth would be a high school senior, Priscilla a freshman, and I would
be in seventh grade. Soon we would all be leaving for Camp Grace, the camp that
we had been going to since 2004. Timothy and Elizabeth were counselors—Cilla
too, maybe? I was a camper still, but I also babysat for a couple weeks. CG is
home to us. Good glory, I’d been going there every summer since I was eight! I
practically grew up there—but more on that later. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dad sat us all down, and told us that he, so, of course, we,
were going to be moving. We didn’t know where. We didn’t know when. But we
would be moving sometime in the near future. On the way to camp, we were going
to make a stop at a church in Pennsylvania that was considering taking my Dad
on as its pastor. Something might come out of it. Something might not. We were
just going to visit. We couldn’t tell the people there why we were there—only
that we were visitors. In fact, we weren’t allowed to tell anyone except for a
few (and I mean a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">few</b>) people about
the fact that we might be moving. There was no benefit of shaking things up
with news of a move that would happen who-knows-when to who-knows-where. So
started the silence. Honestly, maybe I should have seen this coming. We joked
about moving. You see, my mom had started asking us stuff like, “How would you
feel if we were to move from here?” We would look at her like she was crazy,
and ask her, “Why? Are we moving?” Of course, she told us very honestly that we
weren’t—she was just wondering. (I wasn’t being sarcastic there. It was very
honest. We weren’t moving yet. She just wanted to know how we would react
should the time come.) So we would joke with dad, “Are we moving, Dad? Mom
keeps saying…” blah blah blah. We wouldn’t think anything of it. Nor did I put
much stock in the looks my dad would share with my mom after we made those
jokes. I didn’t see it coming…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The church in PA didn’t chose my dad, but there was another
church interested in him. We were still sworn to secrecy. I almost laugh when
people tell me that I can’t keep secrets, because I kept the biggest secret I
have ever known for a year. I couldn’t share it with my friends. I couldn’t
even talk about it at camp. Someone might say something... you know how things
spread. Eventually, the church that was interested in my dad, Berean Baptist
Church in Chattanooga, Tennessee, wanted our family to come and candidate. It
was later in the school year (my 7<sup>th</sup> grade year—early 2008). My dad
had already been down and had preached to the nomination committee. Now they
were pretty sure they wanted him, and they were ready to present him (and our
entire family) to the church for them to vote. So to Tennessee we went. Still,
we couldn’t tell anyone why we were going to Tennessee. It was a family
vacation. That’s all I could to say. Of course, the people at Berean knew why
we were there. My dad preached. They asked us all questions. There was a
reception. We stayed at the house of a family in the church. I don’t remember
my exact feelings while we were there. Somewhere in the nervous but curious
zone. People told me all kinds of things—who at the church was my age, what
class I would be in at the school, such and such. Then we came back home. I
believe that we were to know the church’s decision by the next Sunday afternoon?
I could be wrong (it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> 6-some years
ago). I remember the day we were supposed to get the call. Oh, how I remember
that day. I was so sick to my stomach. As much as I feared moving, I feared the
rejection even more. I didn’t want my dad to go through that again. I wanted
him to be accepted. We were moving—that was decided. So please, please, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">please,</i> let this be a yes! I was in Priscilla’s
and my room; we were both so nervous. Neither of us really spoke. She was on
her bed. I was on the floor, embroidering (I was in a weird, embroidering stage
of life). Eventually, dad got a call. Oh, the nerves. Then mom (I think it was
mom) came in and told us that the church had said yes; we were moving to
Chattanooga. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t remember exactly when that was. I don’t remember how
long it was until my dad told the church. I think he wanted to give them a
two-month notice, so that would make it the end of March? Beginning of April? I
don’t remember exactly. Anyway, there was more waiting. I knew we would be
moving in the beginning of June. I remember sitting with my friends one day,
and they started making plans for the summer. “We can do it this summer! Yea,
we’ll all get together and have this picnic!” It was torture. They would ask my
input. I would say it sounded nice, but I’d have to see. What else could I say?
I wasn’t going to lie, but I wasn’t allowed to say, “I WON’T BE HERE! PLEASE,
LET’S DO IT NOW! I’M LEAVING. FOREVER.” So I smiled. It was probably during
that time I became very good at putting on a face. I could smile and act like
everything was perfect, while, inside, I was dying. It cut to the core, but
they couldn’t tell. So life went on… until that Sunday. My dad made the
announcement after the service. We would be moving June 2<sup>nd</sup>, 2008
(my dad was not going to move us until my oldest sister, Elizabeth, graduated).
I was crying. My sister was crying. My friends were shocked. I’m pretty sure my
sister’s best friend left the service without a word. I remember going home and
calling my friends who weren’t at church. I mean, I was a 12-year-old girl who
had kept a HUGE secret for a whole year. You’d better believe I was telling all
those people I had had to keep it from for so long. They were surprised, but
they didn’t have much to say. That was that. The news was public. The packing
began. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HxzBQfdKMmw/U4tygmbMzyI/AAAAAAAAAIU/ItgHnl9-wHU/s1600/cbc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HxzBQfdKMmw/U4tygmbMzyI/AAAAAAAAAIU/ItgHnl9-wHU/s1600/cbc.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Community Bible Church</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I’m going to backtrack a little and tell you just how
important Davis, West Virginia, was/is to me. Davis is a little mountain town
in Tucker County. There is one stoplight in the entire county. There are two
Elementary/Middle schools—one down the mountain, in Parsons, and the other in
Thomas, up on the mountain next to Davis. There was one high school—Tucker
County High School—in the entire county (didn’t know that was abnormal until we
moved to Chattanooga). Even if you weren’t in the high school, you were still a
part of it. Everyone went to the football games in Friday nights, and homecoming
was a county-wide event. This place was a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">community</i>
in every sense of the word. Good gracious, half the county was related somehow!
Exaggeration… probably… (but no, we’re not inbred). My family moved there while
my mom was pregnant with me. Technically, I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">born</i> in Maryland, because the nearest hospital was 30 minutes away,
across the state line, in Oakland, Maryland. But I came home the next day, so
if I ever told you that I was “born and raised in WV,” that’s because I was
trying to not bog you down with technicalities. My friends were there. The
church we were at, Community Bible Church, was my church family—and it was
right up the road from the parsonage. I had known those people my entire life,
and they had known me. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Everybody knew everybody</i>. Old people talk about “When I was a kid,
we could play outside and walk/ride bikes around the town without having to
worry about being kidnapped,” etc. etc. I just look at them and think, “Uh, so
did I.” Davis was like that. There was one guy who was a creeper, but everyone
knew who he was; you avoided him, and I’m pretty sure he had someone watching
him to keep him in line. So, yea. I would tell my mom, “Hey, I’m going to ride
my bike,” just to call her from my friend’s house, five minutes later, to as
her if I could stay there for the afternoon. Life was like that. It was
beautiful. Speaking of beautiful... highest elevated incorporated town in WV?
Davis. Largest Waterfall in WV? Blackwater Falls, Davis. Most beautiful place
my father has ever lived in? Davis. I’m a mountain girl. My feet were tough
from running around barefoot. I loved the cold. I loved to ski. Small town girl
pride. Mountaineers are always free, baby!</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nh1ltl2ExzE/U4tyfmFJnVI/AAAAAAAAAIM/l2eSUnAoGU0/s1600/canyon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nh1ltl2ExzE/U4tyfmFJnVI/AAAAAAAAAIM/l2eSUnAoGU0/s1600/canyon.jpg" height="280" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blackwater Canyon</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
My mom homeschooled us kids until high school, where she
sent us to TCHS. I, of course, had not reached that point yet. However, in WV,
you’re allowed to send your homeschooled child to some classes in the public
school. So I, like my siblings before me, had gone to art at Davis Thomas
Elementary Middle School since I-don’t-know-when. Once I got older, I also went
to band and, eventually, virtual Spanish there. I was involved in the school
there. I knew my classmates. My classmates knew me. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I was losing it, moving to a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">city</i> (technically we live in Hixson, a suburb of Chattanooga—but,
again, trying to avoid technicalities).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C5buHWvkwYY/U4tyZZmyhiI/AAAAAAAAAIE/CCCVMLs8WdE/s1600/beth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C5buHWvkwYY/U4tyZZmyhiI/AAAAAAAAAIE/CCCVMLs8WdE/s1600/beth.jpg" height="132" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Beth </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AG7MmThfHg4/U4tyY5hHArI/AAAAAAAAAH8/u_ROFup6NP0/s1600/beth+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AG7MmThfHg4/U4tyY5hHArI/AAAAAAAAAH8/u_ROFup6NP0/s1600/beth+3.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reunited-April 2009</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was terrified. I was heartbroken. But a part of me was
ready. There was drama. It was middle school, okay? You see, I have a very **ehem**
strong personality. I’m an acquired taste. I’m not one of those people who
everybody loves and wants to be friends with. No, that was my best friend,
Bethany. She’s wonderful—always has been. To drive home my point, last school
year was her senior year, and she won homecoming queen (btw—I’m super proud of
her). You see what I mean? So in my little cluster of friends, Beth was the
favourite. She gets along with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everybody</i>,
which very well she should! But, as the years had gone on, I had felt my
friends kind of slipping away from me—like they didn’t care for me that much
anymore. In fact, I felt like they liked my sister, Priscilla, better than me
(she’s another one of those everybody-loves-her people; an absolute blessing,
that lovely lady is). We had been friends since early elementary school (when I
was very little, all my friends were boys…but that’s a different story). I felt
like I was losing them anyway; that hurts—especially for a lonely, awkward,
insecure 6<sup>th</sup>/7<sup>th</sup> grader! So part of me was being prepared
to move away. My friendships weren’t as close as they had been. But I didn’t
want to let go. Ooooooh, how I didn’t want to let go!</div>
<br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I saw the need. I could see it in my parents. This was
the right thing… it was time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the record, I never doubted my dad on his decision. I
never became angry with him. I never blamed him. I knew—I know—that my father
is a wise, godly man. He was seeking the Lord’s direction. If he felt this was
what our family needed to do, then this was what our family needed to do. But
it hurt. Like nothing else, it hurt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4lhTcevEYHQ/U4tyiaDfg8I/AAAAAAAAAIk/Bx2XmsdLcH0/s1600/home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4lhTcevEYHQ/U4tyiaDfg8I/AAAAAAAAAIk/Bx2XmsdLcH0/s1600/home.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My home<br />(Taken during a trip back to visit--March 2010)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
June 1<sup>st</sup>, 2008 we packed up the Penske truck. I
remember that night, as I went to sleep, I saw my room as I had never seen it
before: empty. Walls stripped of all the pictures and shelves, furniture moved
out, things packed in the truck. I never realized how big that room was, with
its funky blue carpet, crumbly walls, and old, floorboard heaters (which are
splendid to rest your feet on in the winter, by the way). I looked around and
said goodnight to the room I had spent so many days in playing Barbies with my
sister or friends. I had pulled out one of my baby teeth in that room—all by
myself! It was there that my sister and I had done schoolwork—and distracted
each other. Dance routines with Cill and Caroline were choreographed in that
room. Fashion shows with friends, Oregon Train reenactments with my siblings… From
that room I could watch the bus drop off kids or watch the snow pile up… from
that room I could see the church. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next day we packed ourselves up and left. I remember looking
out the window and staring at our house until we turned and I couldn’t see it
anymore. I watched all those familiar buildings pass by, just like all the
trips we had taken before. But this trip was different. This time, we weren’t
coming back. I soaked it all in until we passed through Parsons. Parsons was
the end for me. I couldn’t recognize much of anything past there—it was all
mountain roads. So as we passed the county courthouse, right across from
Sheetz, I knew that that was goodbye. That was the end. The next time I would
be there—whenever that would be—I would be a visitor. I had no clue what was in
store. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Twelve years old, and my life was about to completely
change. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-54141240896700694902014-05-31T18:50:00.002-07:002014-05-31T20:08:26.129-07:00~Title Page~<div class="MsoNormal">
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We have company over tonight—missionaries that went to
seminary with my parents. Of course, with company (and especially with people
who are old friends), there is conversation and catching up. During this
catching up, the topic of our move and transition has been discussed in length.
For me, this brings up so many memories—so many lessons I have learned. So I
felt this urge to write something I have never completely shared publically—our
move. From beginning to end. Not that many people will care, and not that many
people will want to or will read this. But I want to. For me. I want to write
it all out. See it. Share it. So I decided to write this…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thinking over it, I realized that this coming Monday, June
2, 2014, is the 6<sup>th</sup> anniversary of the day we left my home in Davis,
West Virginia and traveled south to Chattanooga, Tennessee. So I suppose this
is an appropriate time to share these things. I am aware, however, of the
danger of this. I want to be honest with this story. Honest about how I felt.
Honest about what happened. I want people who read this to be aware that
whatever happened—whatever I felt—is past. People hurt me. I hurt people. I’m
not going to hide that. So if something negative is said about anyone, it is
not because I am bitter towards anyone. Believe me, that is over. I am sharing
my side of the story. If life has taught me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything</i>,
it’s that you rarely ever (if ever) know—really know—what’s going on on the
other side of a story. How I felt about things were not always (and rarely
were, most likely) accurate. Honestly, some of the people who hurt me most are
now very dear to me. So please, don’t think I harbor any ill feelings towards
people. Any feelings that aren’t so great are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> fault—stem from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i>
pride and selfishness. But I can say with very good certainty that, if you’re
reading this, I hold nothing against you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This will probably be a pretty long story, so I’m going to
separate it into parts; I’m not going to dump the whole story on you at once.
In fact, this is just an introduction. The title page, if you will. I don’t
actually know how many parts this will have, nor do I know when those parts
will be posted. Hopefully by the end of this week? Certainly before I leave for
camp in a couple of weeks. Any way, if you’re interested in hearing the story,
be looking for my posts in the next few days. If not, by all means, ignore
them. I’m doing this for myself more than anything. You don’t have to read it,
of course. (I can’t imagine anyone who would feel like they would!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So let me start this whole story with a verse: a verse that
my mother shared with me during those first few months—a verse that I clung to
during that time, but I did not always apply…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Ecclesiastes 7:8<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">“Better is the end of a thing than its
beginning,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">and the patient in spirit is better than
the proud in spirit.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-3388804831437394492014-05-06T19:55:00.003-07:002014-05-06T19:58:52.718-07:00Fresh Air & Freedom <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9v9O2L8Z7ls/U2mfDK-2KvI/AAAAAAAAAGs/1po-a-8nADM/s1600/10312114_10203626481408430_1045225298_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9v9O2L8Z7ls/U2mfDK-2KvI/AAAAAAAAAGs/1po-a-8nADM/s1600/10312114_10203626481408430_1045225298_n.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did I mention how glad I am to be home?<br />
I mean, this girl. I love this girl.<br />
She's fabulous. And I love her.<br />
(I mean the one on the left, of course)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Freedom. Forgive me, but that is the word that keeps playing
over and over in my head. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Freedom</i>. My
freshman year of college is OVER. For the first time in a loooooong time, I can
sit here without having to think of what tests I have coming up, or of that article
for FES that I really ought to be reading, or the medical terms that I should
be reviewing. I can sit here. In peace. And I’m <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">home</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m sitting here on my back porch, computer on my lap and
breeze on my skin. Finally I can look back on this year and see it from the
other side. Done. In one sense it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">flew</i>
by, just like they said it would. But, on the other hand, high school seems so
long ago. Like another lifetime. Maybe that sounds dumb or melodramatic, but
that’s honestly how I feel. I grew so much from this one school year—through
positive and negative circumstances. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There is this one passage that was really my anchor this
school year: Matthew 6:25-34. Oh.my.glory. If there’s any one passage that is
the “Lydia needs to read this. Every day. Every. Single. Day.” passage, it’s
this one. And if you know me at all, you’re probably shoutin’ “AMEN TO THAT!”
This passage was such a comfort to me first semester and a rebuke to me during
the last half of second semester (when I started to forget what I had learned).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Therefore I tell you, do
not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor
about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body
more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor
gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more
value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his
span of life? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">(and skipping down to verse 31 because if I put the
whole passage I will probably scare even more people away from reading this
post due to the length. But seriously. You should go read the whole passage.
Seriously.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Therefore do not be
anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall
we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly
Father knows that you need them all. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">But
seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will
be added to you.</b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Therefore do not be
anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for
the day is its own trouble. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">At the
beginning of first semester, I was doing well spiritually. I was in the word
and really seeking God, realizing how desperately I need him. He brought this
(very familiar) passage to my attention. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">A little
bit about me—I’m a control freak, straight-A’s, hair-pinned-up-and-pearls-around-my-neck
kind of gall. What some might call Type-A personality. Like seriously—look up a
description and that’s pretty much me. Minus the hypertension. Somehow I ended
up with the opposite. Anywho… From this, you can probably deduce that I tend to
put a little to much weight on my grades and on pleasing people—including
myself. I have to do this. I have to do that. What if I don’t study enough for
this test and get a bad grade? I’ll be a disappointment. What if… what if… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious
about your life…”</i> So yea, God pretty much smacked me over the head with
that one. In the most beautiful way. You see, I found freedom in that passage.
Freedom from all the chains I had built around myself over the years. God knows
what I need. He knows when I need it. He will supply—I am just to seek HIM
before all of that other stuff. Food is necessary. Water is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very </i>necessary. And clothes are
necessary too. Good grades are nice. Good grades get scholarships. Good grades
get me into nursing school. But God knows the grades I need. I am to seek Him
before them! And He’ll give me what I need! God commands us to NOT BE ANXIOUS.
Anxiety is a big sign that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I am not
trusting God. I am putting myself—my time, my talents—in front of Him. As if
I’m better than the one who created them in the first place. PRIDE. </b>That is
where my anxiety was stemming from. Anxiety is worldly, and it’s not Christ-like
in the slightest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I was
able to walk into a biology test (get this) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">without
anxiety</i>. Because I knew I had studied my best. I didn’t have to worry past
that. And God got me. And amazed me. Time after time...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Second
semester was a little different. The pace picked up, and I started falling
behind on my devos. It’s incredible what that can do to one’s spiritual life.
My life was a lot more stressful. God kept showing Himself to me again and
again and again. And I praised Him—again and again and again—but I didn’t
follow Matthew 6. I was anxious. I would doubt. Praise the Lord that my dad has
been praying me through college, and God must have some plan for those grades,
because let.me.tell.you. There were some miracle grades this past semester. My
memory was working like it never has before—and in hours of the night
(ehem…MORNING) when it should NOT have been working that well. But still, I
would forget Matthew 6. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">And it
hurt. Calling home in tears. Sitting on a bench completely falling apart while
Matt had to remind me that grades are an earthly possession. They are good.
They have their place. They have their benefits. But I can’t take them with me…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">An
earthly possession….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Like
food. Drink. Clothes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Matthew
6. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I traded
freedom for fear. Enslaving fear. I rebuilt those shackles. Praise the Lord He
still uses us, even when we are more negligent than not. How many hours did I
add to my life from all those crying sessions? Zero. In fact, I got a lot of
headaches this semester. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">(now may
I say again…) Praise the Lord! He brought me through it, and here I stand on
the other side. Now I’m lying in my bed at home (sorry, I don’t always write
these in one sitting). I’ve been enjoying spending time with my family that I have
missed so terribly. And I’m looking back at this year and learning. I’m seeing
firsthand what happens when you seek first the kingdom of God—and when you don’t.
I’ve loved this past year—don’t get me wrong. And I grew this past semester. Really,
I did. But I can see big faults in some areas. Big idols that need to be given
up. Big chains that need to be dropped. And not just dropped because it’s the
end of the semester and I’m done with classes. No. I need to let those things
go in my heart. Or else next semester will be round 2 of the Lydia Huguenin
School-Centered Roller Coaster. As someone once told me, “Control is an
illusion.” And it is a mirage that I need to stop striving for. Because when I
stop striving for that (by the love and power of my almighty Father), my whole
heart will be free to strive for God.<o:p></o:p></span>And that is a beautiful freedom indeed.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-72775066784065524032014-01-24T17:01:00.002-08:002014-01-24T17:08:55.017-08:00Friday Night Rambles ~ 1/24/14<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MLSNb_9V5i0/UuMLG-lyy-I/AAAAAAAAAF8/liffKbPMNUk/s1600/1474368_10202924438617799_1713681412_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MLSNb_9V5i0/UuMLG-lyy-I/AAAAAAAAAF8/liffKbPMNUk/s1600/1474368_10202924438617799_1713681412_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That right there is a pretty accurate depiction of my semester.
Hot tea and homework—specifically medical terminology homework. It’s a online
class, and I <i>hate</i> online classes. I barely have time for it during the week, so
Friday nights and all of my Saturdays are pretty much consumed by medical
terminology. So many terms. So much medical. I emerge from my room after hours
of studying and my unitmates probably think I’m broken or something. Seriously.
It takes a lot out of a person! Hot tea makes everything easier though. I’m a
total hot tea junkie now. I never even drank tea before college! Then college
came and there was this cinnamon apple tea in the dining hall… That stuff. I
would drink at LEAST three cups a day. At least. That was the gateway. It has
all been downhill from there. And I have no regrets;) I have also gained the
ability to drink coffee. I even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">like</i>
it. But I try to show a little more restraint in that area. Tea though? Nah. No
restraints necessary. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of hot drinks…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have so many mugs. So many. I love them. So much. And
people give me new ones, and they’re beautiful, and I love them all! I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tried</i> to control myself when I came back
from Christmas break, so I only brought one back with me…I think. Somehow I still
have five mugs in my room, and my roomie is a mug person too. If you were to
come into our room and just count the mugs, you would think there are several
people living in our room. So many mugs. Two people. Do you see a problem here?
Cause I don’t… We just decided we need to invest in a mug shelf or something. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mugs are cool. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so are pavas;) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My roommate spent last year in Argentina, so she is fluent
in Spanish. It's super cool, I know. Be jealous. To my amusement, this causes her to
speak Spanglish every once in a while. About a week ago, she came into our room
and asked me, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Lydia, is that your pava in there?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Uh… what?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She immediately realized her mistake, but didn’t actually
know what to call <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hot pots </i>in
English. Hot pots are now referred to as “pavas” in our room now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pPHKxF4iaLY/UuMLWD25JyI/AAAAAAAAAGE/UjwbMA-mdGk/s1600/1654241_10202924438497796_1815625235_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pPHKxF4iaLY/UuMLWD25JyI/AAAAAAAAAGE/UjwbMA-mdGk/s1600/1654241_10202924438497796_1815625235_n.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These things are great<br />
Of course, I'm an idiot,<br />
so then they make for good food<br />
AND good stories;) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the subject of hot pots, I’m officially an idiot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My sister informed me that I can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cook</i> things in a pava. COOK THINGS! LIKE NOODLES! IT’S LIKE A REAL
POT! But really, I didn’t know that. So the other night I made Thai noodles in
my hot pot. Great plan right? Yea, it really was! I had a great dinner! But
then my hot pot smelled like Thai noodle seasoning. -__- Thai noodle flavour is
great for noodles—not tea water. I tried cleaning it, but that seasoning was
some pretty strong stuff. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then my moment of brilliance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why not put some water in the pava, add some dish soap, and
let it boil? I mean, it’ll pretty much clean itself, right? <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Genius</b>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I add the water, put in some soap, plug in my pava, and
leave the bathroom. This can’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">even</i>
go wrong. A minute or so later, I go back into the bathroom cause I can hear
the water boiling. And boiling it was. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know those movies where the girl has no domestic skills
whatsoever, and she tries to do laundry, and the room turns into a mess of
bubbles and insanity? Okay, imagine that, but on a small scale. Bubbles. BIG bubbles.
Spilling over the pava… water going everywhere. So much water. Everywhere. The
pava <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">emptied</b> itself of water. I desperately
grabbed my bot, unplugged it, and tried to pour out the rest, but it had <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">emptied
itself</i>. </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Note to self: pavas become demon possessed when you put
water and soap in them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So yea, next time you’re tempted to think that I’m
intelligent, just remember—no <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite my domestic deficiencies and heavy workload, my
semester is going quite well. It’s hard to have a bad time with God’s blessings
around every corner and super fun people all around you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For real. My friends rock. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eQeWTKeWTCQ/UuMLzBhuQhI/AAAAAAAAAGM/ByTyMpHpN7g/s1600/1497606_10202924509459570_572753183_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eQeWTKeWTCQ/UuMLzBhuQhI/AAAAAAAAAGM/ByTyMpHpN7g/s1600/1497606_10202924509459570_572753183_n.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last semester I didn’t have a roommate, and that was totally
God’s provision. Adjusting to college life <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and
</i>trying to survive Biology I?? I needed that room to myself. I spent so many
hours in that room—studying, studying, studying, studying…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>
semester, God gave me the best roomie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever</i>!
She’s awesome. And she’s about as obsessed with Christmas lights as I am… we
rarely turn on our overhead light on. We just turn on our Christmas lights and
the two lamps in our room, and that’s plenty enough light for us to do our
work. It’s marvelous. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, my friends somehow don’t seem to mind that I’m a total
freak. And I know way too much Disney music. And I forget that singing really
loud in public is typically frowned upon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight at dinner, the cook started playing “Let It Go” over
the speakers in Cathcart. My friends and I were in the solarium, so we didn’t
hear. However, my unitmate, not willing to miss an opportunity to see me go all
Disney-freak, came in and told me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Disney concert. Right there. Of course I had to go out to
the main part of the dining hall—where everyone was eating—to be able to hear
the music so I could sing to it. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends that did
it with me. We three then serenaded the entire dining hall, complete with
motions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s how you know you have the best friends ever. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did get a little embarrassed… then “I See the Light” came
on and they drug me out again… so we performed an encore. Yup. You’re welcome. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So yea, college is pretty awesome. Maybe sometimes I only
get two hours of sleep. I embarrass myself pretty much every day. I have stupid
ideas. But whatever. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Times like tonight—those are priceless.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WcQdqFAT18U/UuMMCyHusPI/AAAAAAAAAGU/kgJSXP_B6mc/s1600/oneblood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WcQdqFAT18U/UuMMCyHusPI/AAAAAAAAAGU/kgJSXP_B6mc/s1600/oneblood.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of those great college times: <br />
Blood drive:)<br />
Share the power! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-34118274803401523972013-12-29T14:10:00.000-08:002013-12-29T14:12:32.473-08:00Things They Don't Tell Freshmen<div class="MsoNormal">
Roll your eyes if you must. Jest about us “stupid freshmen.”
Whatever. But, once upon a time, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>
were in our place. And sure, we’re dumb in some areas and have to learn our
lessons the hard way, but you have to admit, there are some things that we
don’t know how to do because NO ONE EVER TOLD US. You know, those things that
are so standard on campus that no one ever thinks about the fact that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">new people don’t know about them</b>. And
the only way they’ll know is if <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">someone
tells them</b>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe some of these are just me… probably. So make fun of me
if you want to. Doesn’t matter to me! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also posted a status on facebook asking for ideas, so some
ideas are from my friends. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here it is, a tribute to all freshmen: past, present, and
future. We’re not completely brainless… sometimes we’re just uninformed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
[as I typically do with my list, two asterisks (**)
indicates that the particular item applies to CCC only… or I don’t know if it
will apply to other colleges, so I don’t want to make a faulty blanket
statement] <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">THINGS THEY DON’T TELL FRESHMEN <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">(in no particular order)</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Cathcart Schedule (translation for other schools—meal schedule) </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Alright, this one <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> kinda my fault; I’ll give you that.
But I never thought to look for the meal schedule the first week of school.
That wasn’t on my radar! So I woke up one fine, Saturday morning with my tummy
growling and… no Cathcart. Because Cathcart’s weekend schedule is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">weird</i>, THAT’S why. Only brunch and
dinner. As if there aren’t people in this world that depend on their three
meals a day. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, people! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Okay, okay… chill out Lydia. But I
was hungry, alright?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Anyways, I missed a few meals that
first week because I didn’t know the schedule. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
“Hey you freshman, FYI, printing
off the Cathcart schedule or having it handy is a good idea. That way you won’t
STARVE.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
That would have been nice… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">**Paying for Laundry </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
My siblings all went to BJU for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">at least</i> one year, and there, like many
other colleges, the laundry machines are run with quarters. My sweet family helped
me prepare for college by giving me OODLES of quarters before I left. I was
totally set for laundry. I had $20+ worth of quarters. So the first time I had
to do my laundry on campus I walked down to those machines, and do you know
what I saw? Some weird swipey-machine. No space for quarters. Turns out, one
can only use his/her Cougar Card to run the machines. I didn’t have money on my
Cougar Card, because why on earth would I need money on my Cougar Card? So I
hike over to The Cove to put money on my card. I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">going</i> to use the bunches of quarters I had; they were for laundry
anyways. Nope. The only way to put money on your Cougar Card is with a
credit/debit card. -__- Thank you Clearwater for being weird. I wish I had
known that I couldn’t use quarters for my laundry <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">before</i> I came to college. Things they don’t think to specify in The
Guide…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">**Exam permits<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
So this one wasn’t a big deal
since they were given to us, but no one ever foretold us what exam permits were
all about. We just get this e-mail that, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">“</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Apple Chancery"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Exam Permits will be
placed in your boxes on Wednesday morning (12/4/13). Please take your
exam permit to each exam so you will be allowed to get credit for your final
exams.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Okay, so
yea, they tell us right then and there what they are for. But many of us freshman
were just a little surprised. We were never warned about these. Suddenly we
just receive an e-mail about them being necessary to our college survival and
they show up in our boxes and we’re all just like “WHAT ARE THESE THINGS AND
WHY WEREN’T WE WARNED!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(at
least, that’s what we dramatic students were thinking…)</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Exam Week Schedule<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
FUN FACT: You don’t have to go to
normal classes exam week! Yea, THAT would have been nice to know. I’m not the
only freshman who didn’t know this. There were a few of us, after hearing some
people talk about “this is our last chapel” and “exam schedule” and all that
fun stuff, had to take a bite of our humble pie, walk up to an upperclassman,
and say,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
“um… this is going to sound
stupid… but next week… exams… uh… no one really ever told us… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do we have to go to normal classes next
week?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Please don’t judge me…” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Book Buying Do’s and Don’ts </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Some freshmen were fortunate
enough to have people forewarn them about books and how they should/shouldn’t
be bought. This one is in honour of all those who never had that privilege. CCC
doesn’t have a bookstore, so, obviously, this one won’t apply to any CCC
students, BUT—don’t buy your books at the school bookstore. You can get they
much cheaper from Amazon or somewhere like that. Make sure you check those out.
Compare prices. Also, for some schools, it’s wise to not buy your books
early—wait until you go to class to find out what you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> need. So many poor college students show up to class with a
shiny new $150 textbook only to find out they don’t need it at all. (Just
remember: this is risky. Talking to other students is probably a wise move on
this one, because for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some</i> classes
you really do need that book. And you’ll need it the first day… or before that
even. Look into this one. To each his own.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
(My friend Megan suggests
dealoz.com to help you buy your books) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Easy Cross-Campus Transportation</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
For all those living on a big
campus, investing in a skateboard/bike/ripstick/scooter/<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">something</i> is not a bad idea. You’ll save a lot of time going from
class to class. My friend Jon mentions how they’re great for “when you only
have 10 minutes between classes, and you need a snack.” (Good for small
campuses too—I see them all over CCC—but not quite as necessary. I mean, we can
get anywhere on that campus within two minutes, so…)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Class Skips</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Long story short—don’t just use them all willy-nilly. If you have
3 skips for a class, don’t throw them away for the fun of it. For one thing, if
you use them up early, something may happen like, say, you get sick. You sleep
in. You/your friend/your family member gets injured. Used up all your skips?
Looks like you’re going to class. Either that or you’re getting dropped from
the course. There goes a bunch of wasted money. Those skips are there for a
reason—necessity. If it’s not a necessity, don’t use them. Listen to the wisdom
of my friend Jon Dial: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: #FAFBFB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"If you can miss 5 days, don't purposefully miss five days so you can go shopping or play call of duty. YOU (or someone) [are] paying for YOUR educatoin. TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF IT. I did this my first 2 years of college, and all through high school, and I greatly regret not taking my education more seriously. Knowledge is better than gold."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Be careful, however, to not be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">too</i> scared to use a skip. If you need to
use it, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">do!</b> If it is a class that,
honestly, you really don’t need to be there for (you know those classes), and
you have work that needs to get done for a (pardon me for saying this) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more important</i> (or just more intense)
class, it’s okay to do that. Just be wise. Maybe I’m sounding contradictory…
the main idea is, don’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">waste</i> class
skips. You’re an adult now. Make wise choices. Moving on…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Medical Supplies</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
This was an interesting one that I
didn’t know about, but my friend Anthony suggested it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“[T]he
nurse at school usually has free samples of generic cough medicine, cough
drops, Tylenol, band aids, an other basic medical supplies that you can pick up
instead of going to the store and buying them.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Hmm… pretty nifty if you ask me! I
don’t know if this applies to all schools. In fact, does CCC even have a school
nurse? Anyway, this could be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very</i>
helpful, and, obviously, is not common knowledge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Eating Habits</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Careful, careful my dear friends.
We’ve all heard of the infamous freshman 15… or five… or whatever. It’s
tempting to get cheap food to keep in your dorm. We’re poor college students,
right? But, let’s think about it, what’s cheap? Ramen noodles (the famous
college kid food) and other foods like that. While you may be saving money, you
will, as my friend Anthony stated so well, “be pay[ing] for it in many more
unpleasant ways.” I kept a big container of almonds in my dorm during the
beginning of the semester. Sure, they weren’t the cheapest things in the world,
but they lasted me a while (and would probably last other people longer,
because I kind of overdose on almonds and stuff like that), and I didn’t feel
like a load of crud after eating them. And remember, your stomach may lie to
you. Many times, when you feel hungry, really you are just thirsty. You may not
believe me, but it’s true. Drink some water. It will help. Then, if you’re
still hungry, grab something healthy. Also, if you’re like me, you eat when
you’re bored or studying (which are fairly synonymous, let’s just be honest). Don’t.
Just don’t, okay? You’ll thank yourself later. You’re not really hungry. You’re
bored. Food isn’t going to help. One more thing: during the first couple weeks
of college, your body is still getting used to your new eating schedule. You
will be hungry ALL.THE.TIME. At least, I know I was, but I was too cheap to go
buy snacks, so I was totally dependent on Cathcart’s meal times. I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sooo hungry</i>, but after a week or two, my
body adjusted, and I was just fine with my three meals a day. Push through those
first few weeks, and you should adjust too. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">TH Classes</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
This one was suggested to me by my
good friend Katelyn. My classes weren’t listed this way, so I never faced this
problem, but I can see how it could be confusing, especially to those who have
never seen “H” stand for Thursday before. In class listings, “TH” means Tuesday
and Thursday. To break it down, “T” stands for Tuesday, and “H” stands for for
Thursday (since there are two days of the week that start with “T,” the powers
that be have designated “H” to stand for Thursday—though some, such as
Clearwater, use “R,” so keep that in mind). It seems that there have been
freshmen in the past that missed their first Tuesday class because they thought
“TH” meant Thursday only. It’s okay guys; others have been there before. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bible Class Perspective </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Another good suggestion from my
dear friend Katelyn:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“If
you’re at a Bible school, don’t stress yourself out too much over your Bible
classes to the point that you start viewing the Bible as a textbook, or
resenting your time in His Word. You have enough to worry about in college,
don’t lose the one resource that brings lasting peace.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I’m pretty sure that does not need
anymore explaining. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I would also encourage new
freshmen in Bible college to take advantage of your Bible classes! Katelyn gave
me the above encouragement before I left for school. I was very careful to not
look at my Bible as a textbook. I actually was very encouraged through my required
Bible reading. I tried to make sure it did not replace my personal devotions
(for, when you are reading for class, you can’t really dig into the passage too
much—you’ll never get through your reading in time if you do), so it was like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">extra</i> encouragement to me. There were
days that I would feel bogged down with homework, but I received relief and
peace when I “had” to do my NT reading. I was required to read through the
entire New Testament, and I’m so glad I did! It was such a blessing! Take those
assignments as a gift! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Learning Your Way Around Campus</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
This is especially beneficial for
those who are going to school on a big campus, but this would be helpful for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anyone</i>. I know I’m directionally
challenged; I probably would have had some serious issues if my classes were in
more than three different rooms my first semester. My friend Kaity suggests
visiting all your classrooms before your classes actually start and/or getting
a map. Don’t be ashamed of doing something like that. It’s better that than
showing up late to class your first day because you couldn’t find the
classroom! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Campus Security</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Put their number in your phone.
It’s helpful. I know at CCC people call them all the time to unlock doors for
them. It’s altogether a good idea. And be nice to all the janitors, security,
kitchen staff, IT, etc. etc. First of all, you should because that’s the Godly
thing to do. Also, it has its perks. It’ll be a lot easier to get help when
you’re friends with those you need help from. Do you think security wants to
help out the jerk that is rude to them every time he/she comes on campus? Uh,
probably not. Think the kitchen staff will be cool with you coming into the
kitchen to grab something if you’re always disrespectful to them? Yea, I don’t
think so. Just be good, for goodness’ sake!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
(I’m not saying that you should befriend
people just for the benefits. I’m just saying that if you’re a jerk to the
staff, don’t be surprised when the staff doesn’t want to help you out!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">**Cathcart Kitchen Secrets</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">worked</i> in Cathcart, and this one still took me a few weeks to
figure out. The kitchen staff is cool with you going into the kitchen to cut
your own fruit, find a banana, etc., as long as you know what you’re doing.
Now, if you make a mess of things and don’t put things back where they belong,
don’t expect to be Mrs. Johnson’s good side, like, ever again. But they’re fine
with people going in and cutting their own apples. Actually, they prefer it! It
saves them time! Also, Mr. Yeater will make you an omelet or quesadilla or
whatever if you bring him the stuff you want in it (or someone else will be on
duty to do it). I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i> forget about
this, so I’ve never done it yet, but my friends to it all the time. It may take
you longer to get your food, but let me tell you what: I’m always jealous when
I see my friends get their food. It looks<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
sooooo</i> good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Coffee</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I’m putting this one in just for
Nathaniel. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“Make
sure you’re sufficiently competent at producing a quality pot of coffee at a
moment’s notice. Because you will wake up late, and going to class directly
after you’ve woken up without a cup of coffee is simply unreasonable.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I guess if you’re dependent on
coffee, this is a really good suggestion. For those of us who aren’t… moving
along, shall we? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Scantrons </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I must say, thanks to my mother, I
was very blessed in this area. My mom had us using scantrons in her classes in
high school, so I am very used to them—filling them out, filling them in, etc.
etc. However, not everyone had that privilege, and the professors never really
explain how to do it. They just hand you one, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sometimes</i> tell you what to put in the blanks (the often-times
unnecessary blanks… thankfully some professors recognize that and are just
like, “yea, leave that empty”), and sit at their desks, once again assuming
that everyone knows what to do. But not everyone does. Some kids have only ever
seen scantrons during specific academic tests such as ACT, SAT, etc. Let’s be
honest here: that’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">totally </i>different
than getting one in a normal class. So, in honour of all those who were not
previously accustomed to scantrons, let’s give the freshmen a little help, k?
Not really our fault, and we just want to make sure we’re doing everything
exactly right! That’s not really something you should fault us for… at least I
don’t think so. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Shortly after I started getting ideas from my friends on
facebook, a theme began to emerge: time management and balance. I was given <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so many</i> pointers and opinions, I thought
that I’d leave that topic for another blog… maybe. If I ever get to it, it will
have its very own post. I also think that it is one of those things that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">every </i>college students needs reminding
of (and maybe tips for), regardless of year. I mean, who doesn’t struggle with
time management and balance between relationships and school and working out
and food and sleep and sanity and… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get the picture? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But for now, this is what I have for you. I hope some of you
can relate, and maybe, just maybe, this could help prepare an incoming college
freshman someday. May you avoid some of the awkward/embarrassing situations
that we found ourselves in. Learn from other’s mistakes—that right there will
help you a TON! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-63592214730473649252013-12-15T21:20:00.003-08:002013-12-15T21:25:14.281-08:00Semester One--Done and Gone! <div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>'Cause for the first time in forever</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>There'll be music, there'll be light</i></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not gonna lie, that was one of the things flowing through my
brain as I finished the exams of my first semester of college. Freedom. Sweet
freedom. Okay, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i> say that I
loved this past semester; in fact, I’d say it was the best semester I’ve ever
had. So much happened, yet it went by so fast! Yet I feel like I’ve been at
Clearwater forever… and high school seems so long ago. It’s hard to explain;
you would just have to experience it for yourself. Though we all perceive it
differently… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sorry. I’m rambling. That’s what I get for blogging when I
should be sleeping… (fun fact about Lydia—I ramble when I get tired. Okay, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i> ramble. But I ramble A LOT when
I’m tired… back on topic) <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TAQxuFxr6Tk/Uq6KBpktzCI/AAAAAAAAADk/w_Bz8XRPY_Y/s1600/1175661_612762158756714_334246143_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TAQxuFxr6Tk/Uq6KBpktzCI/AAAAAAAAADk/w_Bz8XRPY_Y/s320/1175661_612762158756714_334246143_n.jpg" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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There I am—the evening before college check-in. So physically I really don’t
look any different (aside from the fact that my hair may be a tad longer now
and I’m not quite as fit as I was in that picture), but I feel like a
completely different person. I know; that’s so cliché, but what else can I say?
That’s how I feel. God has grown me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so so
much</i> this past semester. He’s taught me to trust Him, to let go and embrace
the peace that comes with being His child. He has showered His blessings on me
in so many ways, daily reminding me of His care for His children. It’s amazing
how much one’s eyes can be opened to the work of God in his/her life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God also allowed me to meet some of the most wonderful
people, even if it was just for this semester…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IzJscJCdGrk/Uq6LWOnLoBI/AAAAAAAAAEM/sJJwClkGsdE/s1600/securedownload.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IzJscJCdGrk/Uq6LWOnLoBI/AAAAAAAAAEM/sJJwClkGsdE/s320/securedownload.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A special shout out
to one of the most wonderful people I met this semester: The Lovely Miss Laynie
Brown.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>Her father and
my father went to seminary together, and I met her dad when he was talking with
my dad the day of check-in. Mr. Brown told me that I needed to meet his
daughter Laynie in Emmons B. I said I would keep an eye out for her, but I
never thought we’d become such great friends. She showed the marks of a true
friend from the very beginning. We hadn’t known each other long before she and
another lovely young lady, Shelby Mistor, selflessly helped me out of a sticky
situation, and comforted me in my weak distress. I don’t think either of those
girls realized just how much that meant to me. Laynie was always there for me
after that. From boy trouble to study breaks, I knew I could go to her for
anything. She’s not coming back this next semester, and while that is a total
bummer for me, I know that God is going to use her in amazing ways. I can’t be
selfish, because I know that she’s going to shine for God where she’s going. (Selfishly,
though, I’m seriously considering kidnapping her. Okay, not really…. But really.)
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rKx8HKn9cfA/Uq6KuaDKWMI/AAAAAAAAAD0/dExgwAn2n4Y/s1600/IMG_4232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rKx8HKn9cfA/Uq6KuaDKWMI/AAAAAAAAAD0/dExgwAn2n4Y/s200/IMG_4232.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This little stinker kept popping<br />
up as I laboured over my<br />
THRILLING Bio notes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YBOGheazLzU/Uq6KN-WsYiI/AAAAAAAAADs/X_MYTCv7Ptw/s1600/1237852_10201940108570163_2100464953_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YBOGheazLzU/Uq6KN-WsYiI/AAAAAAAAADs/X_MYTCv7Ptw/s320/1237852_10201940108570163_2100464953_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>Through people like Laynie, God taught me to enjoy the life
He has blessed me with. But yes, this semester did push me—emotionally,
academically, and spiritually.There I am studying for my first Biology test. Over 200
flashcards right there. Oh yes, that was my life these past few months.
Learning to juggle my social and academic lives was interesting, though not
quite as hard as I feared . Sometimes it did mean sacrifice. There were nights
that sleep was sacrificed in order to spend quality time growing relationships.
Other nights it meant denying myself great opportunities in order to study.
Like Disney World. Yes, I said no to a night at Disney World so I could study
for exams (all the while Spotify taunted me with an add for A Very Mickey
Christmas at Magic Kingdom… and you know what? The next week I went to A Very
Mickey Christmas—so joke’s on you Spotify) </div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s_Ke-CgizYI/Uq6LSbR_s8I/AAAAAAAAAEE/EElfYJFJIhI/s1600/1441223_738595256169156_765204891_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s_Ke-CgizYI/Uq6LSbR_s8I/AAAAAAAAAEE/EElfYJFJIhI/s320/1441223_738595256169156_765204891_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My first-ever picture with a Disney Character<br />
Exciting times right there:)<br />
Our sassy little Spotify didn't see this one coming!<br />
Well, of course, neither did I...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YBXiX1rHcMY/Uq6Lgyz0H0I/AAAAAAAAAEU/JO3vcr_UoLo/s1600/IMG_4296.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YBXiX1rHcMY/Uq6Lgyz0H0I/AAAAAAAAAEU/JO3vcr_UoLo/s320/IMG_4296.jpg" width="240" /><b> </b></a></div>
I recognize that this post is quite pointless and not very
fun of a read, but I had to give this semester it’s proper recognition. It was
a wonderful time; I now understand why they say that college years will be the
best years of your life. It’s a time of learning. Growing. Friendships are sown
and memories blossom. One could say that we’re learning independence, but, really,
I think what we’re truly learning (or <i>should
be learning</i>) is true dependence on God. Our parents can’t be there for us
every step of the way. Sometimes decisions must be made and mom or dad can’t
come to the phone. But God is always there. He’s never busy. He’s always
willing to listen, and eager to aid us and teach us in His perfect way. Not our
way, but His. And I’m learning that even when His way is COMPLETELY different
than the one that I have mapped out, it is way more beautiful than anything I
could have planned. (and one thing I’ve learned for sure—I really need to stop
saying that “I will never do such and such…” God has a great sense of humour)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-10917451421145975932013-11-08T13:27:00.003-08:002013-11-08T13:27:38.524-08:00A Risky Request<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I know, I know. This topic is talked about so
much that, as Christians, we seem to be desensitized to the topic. Trust me.
You are hearing from a pastor’s kid over here. I have been hearing about love my.whole.life.
But God finally smacked me right out of that love-numbness. How? He showed me
that I really did not understand love like I thought I did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">For the first few months of college I was
reading through 1-3 John. Love is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">major</i>
theme in those books, especially in 3<sup>rd</sup> John. One night I was going
to do my devotions, and I opened up my big ol’ John MacArthur ESV to 3<sup>rd</sup>
John once again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">**Honesty moment**: I looked at the passage
and just thought, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God, can I read about
something </i>other<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> than love tonight?
That’s all I’ve been reading about for quite some time now. I just want a
change of pace. I think I’ve got the picture. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">That night, God showed me that I had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> “got the picture.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As I was reading, I began to be convicted to
love a certain girl. I had been convicted before and had asked God for Him to
help me love her, but it was not anything deep. That night, God began to push
my heart to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">love, </i>and I got scared.
Why? Because I was beginning to see what loving her would really mean. So often
we pray for love, but all we are really looking for is a surface patience. We
want God to provide the patience to tolerate that person’s presence until we
get to get away from him/her again. That is not love. Love is so much deeper.
Love enjoys that person’s presence. Love desires a relationship. Love wants to help
and comfort. I knew I needed to pray for love—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real</i> love. I lay there on my bed, staring at my prayer journal. If
I were to pray for love and God <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gave </i>it
to me, then I would have to spend time with her! I would have to be her friend…
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">You’re still not getting it Lydia…</span></i><span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">That was the thing: if I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">truly </i>loved her, I would not mind hanging out with her. I would not
mind being her friend. I would enjoy it; it would not be a chore. When you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">honestly</i> love someone, it is not a chore
to spend time with and to be loving towards him/her. You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want </i>to. Why? <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Because you
love her.</b> Maybe I’m just thick-skulled, but this took a while to sink into
my head. If I truly were to love her, it would not be a miserable task to show
love to her; I would want to show her love… because I love her! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I know; I am being redundant. But this was
the battle raging in my head. God was showing me true love, and my flesh was
not very excited about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I had been so selfish. I chose to love people
in my life who would deposit into my love tank. We do that—or at least I do. I
love for my own benefit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">“</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Apple Chancery"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For if
you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax
collectors do the same?<b><sup> </sup></b>And if you greet only your
brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do
the same?<b><sup> </sup></b>You therefore must be perfect, as
your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:46-48 ESV).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We are to
love our enemies. We are to love <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everyone</i>
(this girl was not my enemy—she just bugged me). When we truly love them, it is
love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Duh Lydia.
Love is love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">YES! Love
is LOVE. It <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feels</i> like love. It <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">looks</i> like love. It.Is.Love. From deep
in your heart, it is love. And having that love for others is enjoyable,
because, as Christians, we are to love. That is a characteristic of a child of
God. When we are loving others, we are doing what God wants us to do. We are
bearing the fruit that should naturally spring forth from the transformation
that has been done in our hearts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">God
changed my view of love that night; He truly worked a miracle. Honestly, I have
grown used to God working slowly in my life. He slowly molds me, teaching me
patience while working in a certain area in my life (killing two birds with one
stone I guess). I was not expecting Him to do what He did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The next
day when I saw this girl, no bitterness clenched my heart. No vile words sprung
into my mind. Her voice did not grate on my nerves. I felt…love. That love made
me… happy. I was stunned. Please do not think that I am trying to brag on
myself here. This love that I felt was indescribable. It was nothing of my own
doing. All the power of myself that I could ever muster could never create what
God created in my heart. True love. It was humbling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Do not go
thinking that now I am some super-lover. I am still growing here; I am sure I
always will be. It is amazing to see, however, that God showing me what love
looks like with this one girl has given me so much more faith. I have seen Him
work in my heart so miraculously in this situation, I know He can and will help
me elsewhere. Sure, it may not be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nearly</i>
as fast, but <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He is working </b>in His
beautiful, omnipotent way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Maybe this
is something that is not a hard area for you…or maybe you tried to read this
blog but could only think <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Good
glory, Lydia. This makes no sense. How on earth does your brain work?</span></i><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">(Okay, translate that sentence into what you
would sound like, because that sounds way too much like me… and no one else on
this earth talks like me)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But
regardless, my one challenge is this: open your heart for God to teach you. So many
times we think we have something down pat, when, really, we have just been
desensitized to it. We are not too old, too educated, too<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> anything</i> for the fundamentals. Usually those are what we struggle
with the most. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Or perhaps
that is just me… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-30716327096456487302013-10-26T16:53:00.002-07:002013-10-26T16:59:02.576-07:00Rambles of an October Evening... <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sobzrz_fCps/UmxQzvpP7ZI/AAAAAAAAACE/OSygOVBmA9k/s1600/Photo+on+10-26-13+at+7.21+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sobzrz_fCps/UmxQzvpP7ZI/AAAAAAAAACE/OSygOVBmA9k/s320/Photo+on+10-26-13+at+7.21+PM.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I feel like
I really need to be doing homework, but right now my mind just can’t handle
that. I recently got done with two hours of work. Well, if you can call it
work. The first half of the time I was card-swiping [AKA getting paid for
swiping people’s meal cards (which, for an easily entertained person, is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">extremely</i> amusing) and saying hi to
people]. I have a hard time considering that “work,” because it was so fun. The
second half, however, consisted of refilling the napkins and wiping down the
tables. That’s all fine and dandy until everyone else leaves and you’re almost
the only one still working. I’m not sure if it’s just me and my perfectionism
that causes me to take so long or if I’m just that slow. Either way, I got back
to my room slightly drained (this isn’t my normal job, by the way—I was
substituting for a girl who got double-shifted, but I LOVED doing it!). In my
determination to have a productive day, I headed straight for my Old Testament
study sheet. That lasted until I got hungry (I really did not eat a legitimate
dinner). I grabbed an apple, a jar of my natural peanut butter, and a fork, sat
down at my desk, and opened my laptop. Enjoying my snack, some Owl City, and
the cool breeze blowing through my open window, I began writing this. After the
first sentence, my unitmate invited me to go sit with her in the bed of her
truck. So here I am, typing away under the soft, fading daylight.
Unfortunately, contrary to what we had thought, the bugs are still bad. We’re
both wondering if this was such a wise choice after all.</div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NrldFlIUoUg/UmxRasQYePI/AAAAAAAAACQ/OHTORs6cZPQ/s1600/IMG_4111.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NrldFlIUoUg/UmxRasQYePI/AAAAAAAAACQ/OHTORs6cZPQ/s200/IMG_4111.jpg" width="150" /></a> </td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lab coat. One word: legit.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qw-IvxHaYiQ/UmxRZvP7XvI/AAAAAAAAACM/4KZE7DtsfGA/s1600/IMG_4055.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qw-IvxHaYiQ/UmxRZvP7XvI/AAAAAAAAACM/4KZE7DtsfGA/s200/IMG_4055.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Extracted strawberry DNA. I mean, come on!<br />
Am I the only one finding this AWESOME?!?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
College
life. Ohhhh college life. I remember my sister telling me how <i>fast</i> college flies by. I remember
thinking it couldn’t get much faster than high school—time was flying back
then! Boy was I wrong! I can’t believe there’s only a month until thanksgiving
break! Then there are only a couple weeks left of this semester. I’m so close
to finishing my first semester of COLLEGE! Didn’t I just get here!?!? I’m
enjoying every minute, though. Well, every minute that doesn’t involve studying
for my infamous Biology class. I have to admit, though. Our Bio professor, as <i>tough</i> as she is, is very fun. I mean,
she uses Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as examples, has us use play dough, and
loves bubbles! What more can you ask for? She also is from South Africa, so her
accent is awesome. I really do enjoy all of my professors, and I have been
surprised at how NOT overwhelming this semester has been. Sure, Bio is pushing
me to my limit, but, other than that, my classes are not that though. Also, my
nerd side is totally LOVING Bio lab, so that helps.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AyCc7GIcP7w/UmxSzoE21_I/AAAAAAAAADA/K9tpQJ88IFk/s1600/IMG_4124.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AyCc7GIcP7w/UmxSzoE21_I/AAAAAAAAADA/K9tpQJ88IFk/s320/IMG_4124.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Told you I have awesome professors. Jealous? You should be.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>God has
been blessing me so much this school year. He has led me to some awesome
friends, united me with old acquaintances, and grown me closer to people I
already knew. He is constantly reminding me of His love for His children. When
I have a hard day, something wonderful usually is right around the corner.
Sometimes, those wonderful things are more than I could ever dream of! From
spontaneous FREE tickets to a Rays game, unexpected visits from far away
friends, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>long walks around campus, or
getting to give blood (yes, that was an exciting blessing), my life has been so
full of fun surprises. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0jxDIuKX7uU/UmxSsghIGuI/AAAAAAAAACo/nvpF11cWq1Q/s1600/1024131524.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0jxDIuKX7uU/UmxSsghIGuI/AAAAAAAAACo/nvpF11cWq1Q/s200/1024131524.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />
Wasn't sure if I was allowed to take pictures while giving<br />
blood. Whipped my phone out as soon as those nurses<br />
stepped out. I was not missing an opportunity to document<br />
this! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jCSD5wk87iM/UmxSbCYoQuI/AAAAAAAAACg/yRuvtAorEmU/s1600/IMG_3735.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jCSD5wk87iM/UmxSbCYoQuI/AAAAAAAAACg/yRuvtAorEmU/s200/IMG_3735.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rays game! HELLO!</td></tr>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RbGy8Tk-plQ/UmxSxsxlMrI/AAAAAAAAACw/Iog39r6LTV4/s1600/IMG_4021.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RbGy8Tk-plQ/UmxSxsxlMrI/AAAAAAAAACw/Iog39r6LTV4/s200/IMG_4021.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RUOJvZDMqbQ/UmxSxoEDYOI/AAAAAAAAAC0/WQmWpaj4r-E/s1600/IMG_4075.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RUOJvZDMqbQ/UmxSxoEDYOI/AAAAAAAAAC0/WQmWpaj4r-E/s200/IMG_4075.jpg" width="150" /></a>I also live
on a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beautiful</i> campus. God is
teaching me to appreciate Florida and its crazy weather. Yes, I still <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">desperately</i> miss having seasons (and
more colours on the trees than green), but when it’s “sunny with a high of 75,”
the perfectly cool breeze is kissing my cheek, and the birds are singing
overhead, it’s easier to forget that the tree overhead will always be green.
Not to mention the sunrises/sunsets! Oh.My.Glory. Some days, on my way to
breakfast (usually only if I’m late to breakfast, because I usually beat the
best of the sunrise), my breath is stolen by the sky overhead. The sunsets are
just as glorious. I live at a beautiful place. And we’re minutes away from the
beach! (not that I go all that much… but still… the opportunity is nice) I'm learning to enjoy every minute that God is giving me at this wonderful college. I will quit these rambles with some very appropriate words from Relient K:<br />
"It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive."<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-28193341052386105992013-10-04T19:52:00.002-07:002013-10-04T19:52:27.295-07:00Things College Has Taught Me
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I hit 15,
so I think it's about time to post part 1 of my "Things College Has Taught
Me" list-- a list of serious and silly things that college has taught me
thus far. Some of these are specific to Clearwater (marked with an “*”),
but others may apply to other college experiences as well. Some of these require
the reader to know/understand me enough to catch my sarcasm and sass, so watch
out for that;). More shall be added in the future, but it’s about time for this
list to be publicized. It is, after all, one of the contributing factors to me
starting the blog to begin with! Enjoy! </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="s1">Things College Has Taught Me: </span></div>
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<li class="li1"><span class="s1">Many high school teachers must have had terrible college experiences.</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">It is completely normal to sit through an entire meal with a person, and even hold legitimate conversations with said person, without ever learning the other's name. Because, for some reason, it is so much <i>less</i> awkward to converse with a person without </span><span class="s2">any</span><span class="s1"> idea of who they are than to branch out and ask the simple question, "what is your name?"</span>Yea. so much less awkward. ???</li>
<li class="li1">*If it's dinner time, it's probably raining. If it's not raining yet, it will. </li>
<li class="li1">*You can get to anywhere at campus from anywhere at campus within two minutes. If you can’t, stop walking so slowly. I’m in platform heels dude. No excuses. </li>
<li class="li1">Professors can do whatever they want. And it’s fabulous. Most of the time. </li>
<li class="li1"> Flashcards are your friends. </li>
<li class="li1">*If you’ve never felt like you’re about to face a dragon with a plastic fork and a squirt gun, you’ve never taken one of Dr. Peter’s Bio tests. </li>
<li class="li1">The more critical the task in front of you, the more important and <i>urgent</i> other things suddenly become. Like painting your toenails. Or cutting off your split ends one by one. Or making this pointless list. Or sleeping.</li>
<li class="li1">One would think that the odds of the heel of one’s shoe finding <i>every individual crack in the sidewalk</i> (and fitting neatly inside of said crack) would be pretty low. <b>wrong.</b> If wearing high heels, a girl can safely assume that her heel will slip into all the divisions in the sidewalk. It doesn’t matter how well you walk in heels, darlin’. Be prepared to catch yourself. (but practice does help, so don’t be discouraged!)</li>
<li class="li1">Don’t Facebook stalk a student that you haven’t met. It creates a terribly awkward situation when he/she finally does introduce himself/herself, and you’re just thinking, “Yea. I already knew your name. And your last name. And your date of birth. And how many siblings you have. And your cat’s name.. is your grandmother feeling better?” </li>
<li class="li1">*There are two levels of internet stalking: Cougarweb stalking and Facebook stalking. Cougarweb stalking is typically acceptable and pretty much expected. As for Facebook stalking... a line has been crossed. </li>
<li class="li1">*Florida smells bad. All the time. Especially after it rains. Which is everyday. So all the time. </li>
<li class="li1">Very soon after arriving at college, things like making tea in the bathroom no longer seem weird. In fact, they seem completely normal, and you forget that such things ever would have seemed weird in past. </li>
<li class="li1">When you’re so tired that you can’t walk in a straight line anymore and you feel as if your brain is floating somewhere above your head, it’s time for sleep. Just give up and give in. </li>
<li class="li1">*Unless you want to feel like Saul on the Damascus road, always put on your sunglasses prior to leaving Dambach 101 on a sunny day. </li>
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<span class="s1">*specific to CCC</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-89424423043681181212013-09-20T17:53:00.001-07:002013-09-20T17:56:18.884-07:00A Lesson from My Father <div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Have you ever realized that something that one of your parents used to <i>drill</i> you for has finally clicked, and you find yourself thinking the same way? I found myself explaining something the other day, and in my mind I was thinking </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span><i>Oh.My.Word. I am my </i><b><i>father</i></b><i>.</i></span></div>
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<span class="s1">You see, as outgoing as I seem, I actually get really nervous around people that I don’t know--or at least, I <i>used</i> to. Let me tell you how college, multiple lessons from my parents, and my loving God has changed things. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I’ve never been the best at first impressions. You may be thinking <i>Oh Lydia, that’s just what </i>you <i>think. </i>Well it wasn’t what I thought until people started telling me their first impressions of me. Then I realized that I wasn’t so good at first impressions. I then got even <i>more</i> nervous about talking to people for the first time. A little Lydia history for you: our family moved from West Virginia to Tennessee when I was twelve (going into 8th grade). I was used to small town, middle of nowhere Davis. Then BOOM! Chattanooga! Suburbs! Subdivisions! CULTURE SHOCK. I didn’t exactly fit in. I knew that I didn’t have that many friends starting out... later I was informed that pretty much everyone except, say, two people hated me. Yea. I was weird. Just going to admit that right now. Not saying that I’m not weird anymore... but anyways. I’m getting sidetracked. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Having the majority of your peers hate you after meeting you would put a damper in pretty much any young person’s self esteem. So when it came to meeting new people...</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>No. I’ve done this before. I’m no good at it. </i></span></div>
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<span class="s1">So I usually do the most <i>logical</i> thing when confronted with new people. I let other people do the talking. Or, better yet, if a new person shows up in a group, I pretty much act as if they don’t exist. Well, that’s how it looks. In my mind it’s more like “Oh dear. New person. Well, I’ll just pretend that he/she isn’t new. Yea! I’ll just act like he/she’s been here all along! That’ll work! No awkward introductions! FOOLPROOF!” </span></div>
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<span class="s1">It’s not a foolproof. Not at all. It’s cowardly. And it also makes things even <i>more</i> awkward. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">My whole life I’ve had this fear of meeting new people. I feel like no one likes me, so I hide away by myself. Then I complain about no one wanting to be my friend. Poor me--no one wants to hang out with the girl isolating herself from the group because of insecurity! (uh. duh.) My dad didn’t really tolerate this. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>“Lydia, you can’t complain about no one wanting to be your friend when you’re hiding away by yourself. Stop throwing yourself a pity party and <i>try</i> and make friends. Making friends is a two-way thing. <b>You </b>have to put in some effort too. They’re not being mean. You’re being proud and selfish.” </span></div>
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<span class="s1">You can imagine how much I appreciated those lectures. There I was, lonely and insecure, and my dad was telling me that I wasn’t making friends because of my selfishness and pride. Now, before you go judging my dad or getting the impression that I’m bitter about these lectures, <b>I’m not.</b> I’m <i>sooo thankful </i>for these lectures now; I just wasn’t back then. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Now, fast-forward to the end of my Senior year in high school and summer before my Freshman year of college. College. SO MANY NEW PEOPLE. Guys, I was <i>terrified</i>. Do you <i>know</i> how many first impressions that was going to involve? But my dad kept telling me how wonderful college was going to be and how many great friends I would make.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>“Lydia, you’re about to start the years of your life that were the best years of my life! It’s going to be great. Just trust me. You can start fresh! Be who you want to be. Those people don’t know you. You can build brand new relationships with people that have no biases against you.” </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span><i>Yea, dad. But then they’ll meet me...</i></span></div>
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<span class="s1">Something clicked right before I left for Clearwater. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span><i>Lydia, you have to go to college, whether you like it or not. Might as well enjoy it.</i></span></div>
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<span class="s1">So I made a decision that I was going to have fun. I was going to be excited for college. I was going to make friends. <b>I was going to be myself.</b> I had tried to be someone else in the past. You know what happens when you do that? Your true shelf starts shining through anyway, and then people get confused. Then you get confused as to which “you” you’re supposed to be displaying to which group of people. I was so done with that. I was going to be me; take it or leave it. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">So I talked to new people. I struck up conversations with people I had <i>never met</i>. I figured that they were probably feeling just about as awkward as I was. You know what happened when I gained the courage to say “hi”? It was less awkward.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Yea. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">It’s that simple.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">It’s less awkward to talk to people than to sit there in silence. I know right!?!? EUREKA!</span></div>
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<span class="s2">Proverbs 18:24 says: </span><span class="s1"> “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly” (ESV). When I decided to be friendly, I made friends. Great friends! I’ve met some of the most awesome people! </span></div>
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<span class="s1">God gave me the confidence I needed; there’s no other explanation as to where that confidence came from. I was able to talk to people without feeling like throwing up (yes, I do get that nervous sometimes). </span></div>
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<span class="s1">So dad, you were right all along. I know you knew that, but it probably feels good hearing me admit it, doesn’t it? :) Thanks for all those lectures. Sorry I didn’t want to listen. I’m so glad that I finally did. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09666180292036291006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156884263828647119.post-39989669602650620852013-09-19T16:45:00.001-07:002013-09-19T16:45:55.807-07:00Welcome to my mind...<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I have been known for my infamous facebook statuses. You see, I’m a tad on the dramatic side... that was a lie. I’m a drama queen. Always have been. Always will be. And I love telling stories! I just have to share my thoughts. If not they get all bottled up inside me, and I go CRAZY. So I post them on facebook. Makes sense, right? But they’re always long--<i>very long.</i> I never thought that much about it. I mean, if someone wants to read it, they will. If they don’t want to, then keep scrolling. But then I started getting comments about how excessively long my statuses are. I’m not gonna lie; I started to get pretty insecure about them. Not that it kept me from posting them; I still did. There would always be <i>someone</i> that would “like” them, and that someone kept me going. Then I came to college, and I heard about all these people blogging. <i>Blogging???? </i>I haven’t heard of people blogging in FOREVER. But once I thought about it, I was like “Dude! That would be AWESOME! That’s just what I need!” But then I got to thinking... I don’t have time for a blog. Who would want to read it anyways? I mean, people got tired of my statuses; a blog would be total overkill. So I put the thought away, or at least decided that I wouldn’t start one <i>just yet</i>. “Maybe later Lydia... when you have more time” (HA! Like THAT’LL ever happen!) </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Tonight, my dear friend Cassie and I were “studying” together in my room (in our defense, we did get SOME things done... then “Colder weather” or “Begin Again” would start playing... let’s just say, we have the same sense in music. And pretty much the same mind. You can imagine what happens when one of our favourite songs starts playing. Anywho, back on track...). I decided to read to her my growing list of “Things College Has Taught Me” (a list of both serious and silly lessons that I have been learning, all tainted with my characteristic “sass”). I told her that I couldn’t wait to add more, but I didn’t know what to do with the list. I want to share it eventually, but how? Then I mentioned the whole blog idea. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">“Lydia! You <b>have to start a blog</b>. You’d be such a good blogger! Oh my goodness! You can use this thing called blogger... get up here right now. We’re creating you a blog.” </span></div>
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<span class="s1">And so we did. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">--Side Note: Cassie is a super great friend, so she obviously exaggerates my abilities and qualities. So anything I quote from her, read with a grain of salt.)</span></div>
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<span class="s1">So here I am, doing something that I don’t have time to do. Thanks Cassie. I’m going to blame all poor grades that I may get on you. Deal? </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I obviously won’t have time to post a lot, which no one will probably even notice. But I’ve done something brave: I’m sharing my crazy thoughts with the world in a longer, more open way than I have ever had the availability to do before. Read at your own risk, because I can get very... ehem... expressive? Just be prepared for random outbursts and bunny trails... </span></div>
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<span class="s1">If anyone reads this at all, cool! If not, it doesn’t really matter. My brain finally has room to run free! Here goes nothing! </span></div>
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<span class="s1">“I hope your rambles have been sweet and your reveries spacious...” -Emily Dickinson</span></div>
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